Attack on Titan/Zelda crossover - To Hyrule and Back Again

Chapter Thirteen: Operation Arrowheart, Part I

Link's Point of View

Can't sleep.

After three long hours of lying on the couch in silence, unable to get any shuteye, I decide to go out and buy some coffee. Yeah, coffee probably doesn't help in this situation, but that's the only thing I want right now.

So I find one of the many room keys and sneak outside, immediately greeted by the cold air and the silence of the night. Stores are open 24/7 in Hyrule, so there's gotta be at least one coffee shop open at 1 AM in this place.

A few minutes after desperately searching I stumble upon an outdoor cafe, serving drinks to quite a few people. I'm not in "the marketplace," so this comes at a surprise. There's about ten circular, wooden tables in a tightly-packed area, all but one taken up.

I walk up to the person who look's like they're serving the drinks, and ask, "Do you guys have, um... any coffee?"

It's a short girl with short, blonde hair, and a menacing expression.

"Jim, get me one Rüdesheimer Kaffee for this kid, will you? Okay, that'll be 3 coins, sir."

Forgot about paying. I usually pay in rupees. Pretty sure they don't accept that here.

...actually, I have an idea.

"Miss, I don't have any gold coins, but I have a few ultra-valuable gems called 'rupees'."

She perks her head up from whatever she's writing and looks at me with interest.

"I'm listening."

I reach in my right pocket, shuffle around a little, and find two spare green rupees I had before I left Termina. She gazes at them like I'm holding a thousand gold coins, and I realize I'll be able to go pretty far with this.

"Each of these rupees are worth 500 gold coins, but I'm willing to make a deal - if I give you both of these, I want free drinks forever. Got it?"

"Deal!" she happily shouts back at me, with everybody else turning their heads towards us.

"Here's your alcohol-coffee, sir! Have a lovely evening!" she says as she hands me my coffee.

Alcohol coffee? What the hell is that?

I just asked for coffee.

What'd they call it earlier? "Rudeshimer Caffee?" I don't know. Probably doesn't matter.

Just as I'm about to sip it while I walk to an open table someone slaps the coffee out of my hand, breaking the cup and spilling it all over the ground. Confused, I turn to the side to see Sasha, along with Armin a little ways behind her.

What's their problem?

. . .

"Sasha, I just wanted some coffee, and that's all I asked for. I assumed the 'alcohol' part didn't mean anything. Why is alcohol so bad?"

"It's a depressant," Armin explains. "It makes you think slower, makes your vision blurrier, and impairs your reasoning. Basically, it's not good stuff."

"Why would they put it in coffee?" I ask.

"I don't know, they put it in everything. Just please, don't drink it. You will regret it for weeks after, especially if you consume too much. I...I learned the hard way," Sasha explains.

"Does a story come along with this statement?" Armin hopefully asks Sasha. Sasha just kinda looks at Armin for a second, sighs, and says, "All that happened was I thought I had found cola, and it was actually beer, and I got drunk, and woke up in the forest with a bad headache and noise sensitivity. That's it."