From beyond

Chapter One

31 days before death.

I got up early, despite wanting to get to school just as the bell rang- there were a few people that I did not want to see before it was necessary to. Getting up early meant that I'd have time to go for a quick run, to look good and complete all the outstanding homework that I had yet to do. However, as I opened my eyes, I knew I'd do none of those things. I had no motivation to run or keep fit- I was off the football team, so why should I waste my time on doing the things that I normally would have done? I also had no one that I needed to look good for, as my girlfriend had recently declared that she thought we could use some, "space" from each other. Lastly, a new thing for me was that I no longer cared about my grades. When I was on the football team, I'd had to remain at least a B average, but now I saw no point in continuing to do that.

Another new thing, I'd recently discovered, is that most days I saw no need in actually showing up for school. I couldn't remember a single time before these few weeks that I hadn't wanted to go to school. Unfortunately, as my school guidance counselor had become increasingly worried about my mental state, she'd made it a priority that both my parents were called if I didn't show up to first registration. And I'd recently been threatened, by my mom, that my car would be taken away from me if I didn't make the effort to show up to school.

Before stretching, I took a minute to calculate whether or not it was worth staying off school again. Sure, I'd lose my car, but once that was gone, what could my mother really take away from me? And my father couldn't really do anything, seeing as he was 4000 miles away with his new wife and daughter. However, I decided to get up and get ready because I knew that if I didn't, my sister would be very upset and worried. Even if I happened not to care about many people at the moment, my sister was one person that I always thought of, because I knew that my actions affected her on a very personal level. We'd always been close, and I knew that this last month of my, "total personality change" had affected her more than she'd ever tell anyone.

So, for her sake, I got into the shower and then put whatever clothes I saw first onto myself. I skipped another meal- an unhealthy habit that was starting to show- and got into my car slowly. Inside, I sat for about 20 minutes before it clicked that I should probably get moving. I'd been spacing out a lot recently, and struggling to focus even more.

I arrived at school after taking an hour-long route, a route that took about 45 minutes longer than my regular one. This was another thing I'd been doing a lot- driving around for absolutely no reason. Shortly afterwards, I got myself registered and went to my first class, Honours English- a class I was sure I'd be dropped from as I no longer got the required A's for. I, however, could not bring myself to care and as usual lately, I was asked to stay after class.

I listened to the teacher talk about the usual- how I'd missed another assignment, that I'd be dropped if I couldn't bring my marks back up, that she was worried about me, etc. But then she said something that snapped me back to attention. "Mr. Channing, I've noticed a lot of new habits forming and I'm worried that you're going to affect your future quite badly. I think you're depressed, so I've sent your mother an e-mail asking her to find a way to help you, and I've also notified the counselor that she needs to sit down and speak with you".

That's why, despite my refusal for help, I spent the next lesson in the Mrs. Turner's, aka: the counselor's, office. She also repeated a lot of what my English teacher had said- that I was failing, that I was slacking off, etc. I didn't really pay much attention to her, as it was something I'd been hearing a lot lately.

"Lucas, I just don't understand. You went from a happy senior with a 4.0 GPA, and the captain of the football team, to this. You don't show up for classes anymore, and even when you do, you do as much as you'd have done if you'd just skipped. You were in line for one of the best football scholarships in the state, and even if you hadn't been, your impressive GPA scores would have ensured that you'd have got into an excellent school. What happened to your dream of being a lawyer, Luke? You don't seem to care about anything at all, and you have everybody worried. I spoke to your sister last week and she left here in tears because she thinks that you're going to end up killing yourself with all the drinking and reckless driving. Do you realize that no one knows how to help you?"

Of course I realized this- even I didn't know how to make myself feel better again. But I stayed silent, just like I always did when someone decided to lecture me about my bad decisions. And an hour later, I was walking out of school, too tired to deal with anything else. And once I was home, I was eventually faced with the sight of the bottom of a few bottles. I fell asleep drunk, like I always seemed to be.

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