i'm outta my mind. || delirious x vanoss

decisions || chapter one

jonathan's point of view-

I heard the voice through my mic like I did every day. The voice I wanted to see right in front of me, which was impossible. At the time. His name was Evan Fong, and I may have been in love with him.

Okay, I've been in love with him for the past couple years. He's the one I met that lucky day, when I liked one of his Modern Warfare 3 videos and chose to message him about maybe playing together one day. He was skeptical about talking to me at first because I gave him almost no details about me. But he soon opened up and realized that I would never tell him. I remember some of the questions he asked me then.

"Will I ever see you? You know, in real life?" If things work out the way I want them to.

"Can I at least know what you look like, just give me a brief description." I'm your future lover, is that not enough?

"Jeez, should I even be friends with you?" No, let's be more than that.

I wish I answered that way. You know, telling him my feelings and stuff before it got too difficult. Now if I were even to bring it up, he'd think it was a joke and dispel it immediately.

I always wished that I could go back in time and tell him that I loved him. That I loved him so much, and I never wanted to let him go. I wanted to meet him in real life so badly that I made it come true. I was going to meet up with him at Pax East this year. I decided to tell him when he said that they had invited him to do a panel.

"Evan, I need to tell you something." I mentioned when we were in a Skype call alone together. Everyone else had just left due to needing to go somewhere, or they were just going to sleep. 

"Hmm?" He hummed. I loved to hear his voice. And now, I would finally hear it in real life. 

"I'm going to Pax East." I said and quickly shut up afterwards. I expected something really big as a response, maybe a party, but it was the exact opposite.

"Cool." He said. Maybe he was occupied with something else? He had to of cared about this! He would finally see me in real life, after so many years!

"Uh, did you even hear me?" I asked him, hoping that he would say no.

"Nah, I'm doing something. I'll be back later, Tyler's calling me." And with that, he left the call. He's talking to Tyler? This is bullshit, I'm the one who's in love with him, not Tyler! Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, it's always Tyler! I've heard them talk to each other before, I've played games with both of them before, and they always seem like they have more of a connection than the rest of us. Well, he's wrong. People ship me and Evan more than they would ever ship him and Evan. We have the best fan art.

We've played more games alone together then him. We're supposed to be together, that's how it's always been! (ooh, someone's getting salty)

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I called him on Skype about an hour later because I saw that he was online. He accepted within seconds, and we were talking again just like before. I swear, if he decides to call Tyler again...

"Hey Jo--"

"I'm going to Pax East." I said for what would be the final time. If he didn't hear me now, that was his problem. Actually, no. I would say it again. I would say it as many times as I needed to, just so he would know I'd be there.

"Wait, seriously? I'll see you?" He sounded extremely excited. I wondered what would happen if I said I was joking now, or if I said that I changed my mind right before we arrived there. I mean, not that I was going with Evan.

"If I call now, you can be on the panel with me! I won't be alone with Tyler!" Wait, did he not like Tyler? What was going on with this guy, can he not make up his mind? 

"No way in hell am I doing a panel. I'm just going, to, uh..." I stopped. I don't know why I could say it, or why Evan didn't ask about it. I'm just glad that he didn't.

"Damn, that sucks. Well, at least you'll see me. We need to have a code word or some shit so that I know it's you and just not an impostor." 

"What about 'I'm outta my mind'?" I ask him. That seemed like a good idea, it's something that I can remember. 

"Sure. Weird choice, but okay." I heard a phone ring in the background and I knew that he had to go. "Dammit Tyler," He muttered under his breath. I heard it very faintly, but I could tell what he said. "I have to go, he's calling me again."

"I'll see you tomorrow, I'm getting off as well."

"Well, you won't see me, you'll talk to me. I can't wait to honestly see you, though."

"Don't tell anyone else that I'm going okay?"

"I promise I won't. Oh yeah, why're you even going?" There it was. He asked it, I knew he was going to.

"I just want to see you."