Joker One-Shots

One Shot: Collecting What's Mine

Word count: 1,494
Author's note:
Heyo! This will be jokers p.o.v based on the episode of Batman TAS "Harley and Ivy". I'm trying to go more into what he was thinking the whole episode rather than following around all of the characters. Some of the dialog will be changed and there will be some cursing though I'm trying to stick to most of the original dialog. I hope you enjoy, and feedback would be appreciated! :)
~Sam

Joker's P.O.V

•

    "Harley!" I scream as I walk into the other room, the hyenas snapping at anything moving out of hunger, "Where is Harley?!" I ask Rocco out of annoyance, it's been 4 days since I've seen her.
    "I-I guess you haven't seen the papers, boss?" He stutters as I grab the newspaper out of his hand.
    "What are you blabbing about?!" I snap and read the head of the first article. It reads, New Queens Of Crime and a picture of Harley and... Who is THAT?! I've heard of her. Poison Ivy? Did Poison Bitchy steal what's MINE?! I scream out of shock and anger. This is not happening!
•
I went on with my day but the anger I felt never really left. I stared at the framed picture of Harley I had on my desk but growled and tried to do some work.
Only a few moments in the phone started ringing. RING! RING! I sighed and answered it, "What?!" I snapped at whoever was on the other line.
"M-M.r J?" I hear the quiet stuttering of Harley.
A menacing grin spreads across my face and I set down my paperwork, "Harley?" I ask, collecting my thoughts.
I immediately press the button on my machine to trace her call.
"Hi puddin!" She squeals, "You still angry with me?" She asks, I can tell she's nervous. Even better.
"Honey, baby, pumpkin pie!" I try to say sweetly, making me feel half sick, "You know I can't hold a grudge! Now, where are you?!" I hold back a growl and look at myself in the mirror. Damn it's hard being the most attractive person in the world.
"With a friend. Oops! Gottta go! Talk to you later!" She whispered.
Knowing exactly where she was I shook my head, "Tsk tsk tsk. Harley girl! You should've told your puddin where you are, sweets." I barrel over in a maniacal laugh.
Grabbing my fedora I break out into a whistle, "Rocco! Bring out the car, we're going for a ride." I smirk.
•
We pull up to the toxic waste dump Harley is staying at and I scowl. How disgusting! So what I canned her, it's tough love! Harley always comes back, but she didn't this time. I clenched my fist, I didn't like it.
"Um... Boss? I don't like this." Rocco hesitated.
I jump out of the purple Lamborghini, "Oh can it would you?! We have a job to do." I fix my tie and breathe in the fumes, just to snort in disgust again, "Come on boys!" I say peering back at them.
    As I walk towards the small house I open the door and make my grand entrance, but no ones there, "Oh this is absolutely rich!" I laugh and walk inside, "Make yourselves at home boys, we could be waiting a while!" I sit on a stool in the corner, behind the door.
•
    After waiting what seems like 10 minutes I hear the giggly voice of Harley. Laughing? Without me?! Who does she think she is? I made her! Enough is enough, I have to teach her a lesson.
    The door opens and I see the little red head of Poison Ivy, "My!" I make my presence known as I grab the door, "Haven't you been the busy little bees?!" I smirk at them.
    "Puddin?" I see Harley there's a sparkle in her ocean blue eyes.
    "You weren't here so we made ourselves at home, I hope you don't mind." I peer over at my henchmen, who raided the fridge as soon as they could.
    "You found me!" Harley excitedly jumped at me and pulled me into a hug. Taken aback I go with it and hug her. Hearing Poison Bitchy say something I grit my teeth. What is this lady's problem?!
    I pull Harley back and give her a smile, hearing Rocco run his mouth I pull my gaze aside and snap, "Hold it in, Rocco! I'm only staying long enough to collect what's mine." I cup Harley's chin in my hand. Hearing her do one of those annoying squeals I bend down and caress up her arm, snatching the purse from her arm!
"Hey!" She screams at me and I smirk at her, this dits! I throw her out for her stupidity and she thinks I'm going to be the one to come back? The day I do anything like that or think she's anything more than a dits that follows me around like a puppy is the day I admit myself to Arkham.
"Grab 'em boys!" I yell at my henchmen and they jump up, restraining Harley and Ivy.
"Let's see what we got!" I laugh and knock everything on the table onto the floor, and empty Harley's bag, "Ooo look at all the goodies!" I chuckle.
"That's ours you louse!" Pam yells, and I smirk towards her.
"Oh Pammy!" I mock and walk towards her, "I wouldn't leave you empty handed." A brilliant idea comes to mind and I clear my throat, "Since you like flowers so much-"
"Oh puddin no!" I'm cut off by Harley, she knows I don't like being cut off! I push her out of the way and grab the back of Ivy's head.
Once I have a tight grip on her hair I look dead into her eyes and say, "you can have mine!" I push her into my shirt and spray my gasser in her face. She has no choice but to inhale my joker gas and she throws a coughing fit.
Hearing a gasp from Harley I grab her shoulder and keep my eyes on Ivy. She starts to laugh so I walk towards her, just as I planned. Her laughing grows fainter as I walk up and stop dead in my tracks WAIT!
"It doesn't work on me." She smirks and kicks me, throwing me off balance so much that I trip and fall, knocking into the table. I flicker my eyes open only to see her do the same to my two henchmen, grab Harley, and run out the door.
"Get 'em!" I cough and catch my breath. Rocco grabs his machine gun and runs out after them. I hear a commotion and run out only to see none other than the Batman taking out my men, and Harley driving away.
I'll deal with her later! I growl and pick up the fallen gun, "Oh batsy!" I call and before he can even realize what's happening I shoot at him, a laugh escaping my mouth. I go with it and continue to shoot, throwing my head back laughing.
Batsy runs and hides, while I walk towards him, still shooting, "Stop shooting you lunatic! We're on a power keg!" He screams from behind his hiding spot, but I shrug him off. Does he really think I care? Life is expendable! You live only to die! What better way to go out?
A boom and flash comes from in front of me, "Oop! First explosion! I'm aiming for three!" I laugh and continue shooting, not even knowing where batman was anymore.
I count, one explosion after another comes, "One explosion, two explosions, three explosions, four! How many explosions can I make and more?!" I hold up my arms and laugh, then bring them back down and continue shooting. The explosions reach the toxic gunk that made it's own lake and it catches fire.
    Finally batman shows himself and lunged at me, as I fall to the ground another explosion comes, and between the smoke, and the impact of batman's hit, everything turns fuzzy, then it all... Goes... Black...
•
    I wake up and can't move, without realizing where I am I say, "Oh sleep paralysis how I've missed you!" Then I realize I'm in a padded room, and I can move. I look down and I'm in a straight jacket. Arkham! I growl. I get myself up and look out of the barred window, only to see none other than little miss Harley Quinn. My rage grows until I'm sure you can see smoke coming out of my ears. First she ruins our heist, then she tries to start her own business when she would be no where without me! Without me she would be some prisoner to society still! She would still be a loser nobody slaving away and wasting her life working at Arkham! "Next time I start a gang no women! Do you hear me?!" I yell down at her, "No! Women!"