Dear Paul,
They said that if you feel something towards someone, you need to say it to him, or you'll get a heart attack..and that's why i wrote this.
I really don't know where to begin. Every time I get a chance to write a letter to you, I always end up deleting it because I feel insane to write one.
Like I said, I don't know where to begin, but I really do not want to miss a chance to let you know how thankful I am to have a chance to to feel like going back to highschool since I met you. This will tell you all the craziness I felt and I did when I met you. It all happened without your knowledge, and sad part is I don't even know if you know that I exist..sigh.
Anyway, it all started when I saw you and walk past you at that hall way. We were both having our usual day, minding our two different worlds. Maybe it was just my imagination, but as you walk towards my way, I noticed that you look intently at me. It was the first time I noticed you, and after that, I became trully aware of your presence. You were just always around, having your own life, while I was having mine. I did not know why, but I was begining to like you then each passing day that I see you. There were times when I would just found myself looking at you.
You have no idea how much I liked you then. By just being you, being at that place where I was, your presence was enough to make me feel so nervous, happy and excited at the same time. There were times that when you pass by, I would feel my cheeks flushing and I'd feel my knees becoming week. Everything I felt for you was like a fairytale and it made me feel like going back to highschool. If you have ever watched a Korean Novela, gano'n yung pakiramdam ko. Yung feeling na sa sobrang kilig ko kapag nandyan ka, hindi ako makatingin at feeling ko tumitigil ang sandali. Yung feeling na hindi ko na sobrang lakas ng heart beat ko at halos di ako makahinga. OA pero totoo. Hindi mo lang alam kung gano ka-crazy and mga make believes ko kapag naeencounter kita. Naisip ko nga minsan, siguro kapag nalaman mong may sobrang kinikilig sa presensya mo na kagaya sa nararamdaman ko sayo, mafaflatter ka.
Actually, hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ganon. Nangyari na lang na isang umaga, nagkaron ng ikaw sa mundo ko. Bigla na lang sobrang aware ako sa presensya mo at kulang ang araw kapag hindi kita nakikita. Maraming pagkakataon nga, pinilit ko ang sarili ko na magpanggap na hindi kita nakikita para matulungan ko ang sarili ko.
Minsan kasi napaka mapagbiro ng tadhana. Napakaraming lugar kung saan nandon ka rin sa lugar na nandon ako. May mga pagkakataon na sinasabi ko sa sarili ko, sana wag na kita makita, pero kinabukasan ikaw yung una kong nakikita. Maraming bagay na magkapareho tayo. Minsan nga naisip ko na parang male version kita. May ilang mga major interest ako na interest mo din. Minsan, I would just look at you from afar at enough na yun to make my day. Alam mo, hindi ko kayang idescribe yung high school crush na meron ako sayo. Whenever you are around, parang tumitigil talaga ang oras at parang feeling ko, nafifreeze ako.
Ilang kanta na rin ang narelate ko sa pagkacrush ko sayo. I have never had this strong crush on anyone. Halos naging stalker na din ako na alam ko ang updates mo sa social media. It was a crazy admiration. At kahit ngayon na hindi na kita nakikita, it was still a memorable feeling to encounter you once in my life.
Sumulat ako para magpasalamat kasi there was this point in my life that everything was boring. When you came, you added colors to it. Naisip ko nga, what if tanungin kita, "will you be my ex?"..kasi alam ko na hindi tayo pwedeng maging present, at mas lalong hindi pwedeng maging future. Ex kasi, at least lumipas ka na sa buhay ko pero special ka pa din. Sana pwedeng ganon.
Hanggang ngayon, like pa din kita. But it is surely is not love, I know. Like I said, kulang ang salita para madescribe ko sa'yo exactly what you mean to me. It is a strong admiration, but it is not love. You once made my life so sweet, so exciting without you knowing...
Someday, I will have the courage to smile at you. By that time, I would no longer be the girl who tremble at your presence. By that time, I would no longer be that girl who felt crazy over you.
