Downgrade

~

Richard hated Tuesdays.

He hated them so much he didn't even go to them, and this really made Tuesdays upset. Tuesdays would often talk down about Richard around the office, until They finally removed Richard altogether, just to get Tuesdays to quit his bitching.

But this isn't about that.

This is about Richard.

From now on we'll call things Days and Nights. This isn't true, or even accurate, but it'll help with pacing. And They love pacing.

Richard was walking up the sidewalk one Day, shortly after he had been removed. He smiled at everything he passed, and it usually smiled back. Richard turned the corner, and looked up at the skyscraper where he worked. Most of it was built straight up, with the top third being built straight sideways. Every 21st floor hurt to look at, but Richard's eyes skated over them, as the practiced often do. He waved to the person slithering across the street, and crossed over himself, remembering to avoid the white lines. A helicopter flew low overhead, flooddark shining shadows into the alleyways. Richard didn't know what they were looking for this time, but he knew better than to wonder about it for too long. He nodded to the secretary, who turned her back on him, talking intently into a radio. He ran over to the elevator banks, sticking an arm through the doorway in time to stop the sphincter. He entered the car, grinning at the two other occupants, who smiled nervously back at him. Richard pressed the button with the constantly changing symbol on it and stood back, straightening his tie.

"Watch it, asshole, or I swear to Hul'Rak," the tie warned, flexing slightly. 

Richard let the tie go, and it relaxed its grip. "Just seemed like the thing to do, friend," Richard replied, trying to look down at the neckwear.

"Uh, excuse me," One of the women behind him said, blinking her solid emerald green eyes, "my husband was having trouble with his tie giving him attitude. We just offered sacrifices to the basalt god and it calmed right down."

"Really?" The other woman asked, opening and closing her mouth to talk, "I offered my firstborn to the granite lord and not a peep was heard from the closet. Not even the cravats, and you know how snooty they are," she added.

The first lady sniffed. "Well of course you'd be offering things to the granite lord."

The second lady bristled, spines tearing through her suit jacket. "What's that supposed to mean, huh?"

The first woman sneered at her. "The basalt god only accepts pure and unsullied virgins, not the office skank."

The second woman took a menacing step forward as the elevator doors slid open. Richard hurried out, still grinning. A sweat bead slid up his forehead and dripped onto the ceiling as he turned the corner.

"Don't you listen to those old hags," his tie said in a friendly tone, "who's been around to watch your back all these years, them or me?"

"We'll talk about this when I get home," Richard said as he strode down a hallway.

"Aww, but that's more than 12 pì͡c͜͏om̀͠i҉l̶͞l҉en͠҉ia̶͜ from now!" His tie whined.

"Not until then," Richard said firmly, pushing open the door to his department. Map, the secretary, looked up from her files as he came in.

"You're early," she said reproachfully, "and forwards."

"Didn't have time to please you this morning," Richard said breezily, strolling past her desk to his office. He sat down behind his iron desk, and shoved the stacks of old tomes out of the way. He set a domed metal microphone on the desk and tapped it.

"HellOOOooooo Seti City! This is W-QQQ, your one and only radio station that's both State approved and un-cursed!" Richard said into the mic, hearing it echo faintly off the buildings outside.

"I'd like to remind you that the Wall continues to close in on the west side of the city. This is normal. If you live close to it, or have been absorbed into the consensus on the other side, please follow all police instructions. A reminder to all citizens living or working near the Wall:
-Do not stare directly at the Wall.

-Do not stare indirectly at the Wall.

-Do not talk to your friends and family about the Wall.

-Do not approach the Wall.

-Do not throw/shoot things at, crash things into, or in any other way attempt to damage or anger the Wall. It does not work, our police have tried.

-When sleeping near the Wall, do not kill your housemates in a blood rage.

-Do not approach the Wall, even in dreams.

A red haze over your vision is normal while near the Wall. If it appears to strengthen, especially after sleeping, leave the area immediately and burn one square centimeter of the first pair of jeans you've ever owned. If you have recycled those, two square centimeters of khakis or dress pants will do. DO NOT burn cargo pants. And now for some music."

Richard put the microphone away, and pulled over the stacks of scrolls he had shoved aside earlier. He read through one of the stone tablets, then set it back with the rest and stood up. He walked over to the break room, ducking his head in. dJ was off rearranging the music playlist, but Alaeon, Goddess of Watches and Wristwear was sitting at the central table, feet propped up on the tabletop. She was sipping a mug of blue liquid, and looked over as Richard stepped in.

"Pam said you were early again," she said, her words laced with a buzzing, hissing undertone.

"Who?" Richard said, opening a cabinet and retrieving a mug.

"The secretary. She said the boss is tired of it, wants you late just like everyone else."

"Map's always saying that, but nothing ever gets done about it," Richard replied, grabbing the coffee pot. He tried pulling it out, but it remained stuck in place. With a quiet, sticky noise, his fingers came off, falling off the handle.

"Ah hell, not again," Richard grunted in annoyance, and bent down to retrieve them.

"She does though, your pay got docked again last week, remember?" Alaeon watched him, a worried expression on her face. "Are you feeling alright? You seem different today," She added.

"Ah, it's nothing, just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, I guess." Richard let his fingers crawl back into place and straightened up. "Did you use the coffee machine last?"

"Hope it wasn't that, or I'd have to banish you to the 7th plane," Alaeon said jokingly. "And yes, I brewed some ichor earlier. You'll wanna clean that out, it can't be consumed by anything lower than me."

"Thanks." Richard slid the pot across the counter and followed it over to the sink, where he began rinsing it out. Internally, this was always how it had been between he and Alaeon, but locked away behind memory walls was a different story. There had always been something between them, which finally broke the surface at a drunken office party and simmered for a while afterward. However, They frowned upon it, as did her father, Lord of Time and Small Plastic Beads. After having their memories erased, they spent an awkward period trying to remember what they had forgotten until they finally dropped it.

dJ swaggered through the door to the break room, interrupting any and all exposition. He plopped down in a seat opposite Alaeon, and snapped his fingers. A parsnip pie appeared in his other hand, and he began to eat it.

"Don't you have music to play?" Richard asked, starting a brew of coffee.

dJ looked up at him. "Naw, I just gotta queue up some tunes and press a button. It autoplays down the list. Tech-no-logy, man, I love it." He mimicked turning dials and pressing buttons.