The worlds most cliché first loves- The Library

The world most cliché first loves- The Library

Someone once told me that "One falls in Love not by design or conscious choice, but according to some accident of fate over which the victim has no control".

I've never been in Love before, but I've always wanted to experience Love, even if it's just one time.

One day, I fell in Love.......

But......

My first Love....was with.....a guy.

I met Oliver in the New York City Library on 5th Avenue at 42nd street on a Wednesday afternoon.

Wednesday 23rd January 1992

I was in the poetry section, I absolutely Love poetry. Let me tell you something about poetry. I appreciate poetry for the emotion it evokes in me, but the same can be said for a good short story, play, or novel. I enjoy poetry because I love the sound techniques, the rhyme and the rhythm of it. A poem also offers me a very vivid imagery within only a few lines giving it a strong impact. Some poems like narrative poems tell me a story, while others, like those of the imagists, and simply paint a picture. The one common factor of why I enjoy poetry so much is that I Love what can be achieved with carefully selected words arranged artfully in lines. I Love language, but I've never spoken a word in my life.

I was reaching for a book, struggling to reach the top shelf for a Shakespearian poetry book. I was going to give up until I noticed a guy about my age, considerably taller than me, draped in all black with white converse, walked over to me. Our eyes met, but broke away as I attempted to stand tip-toe once more. The blonde haired boy walked over, stood on his toes and reached for the hard brown covered book and handed it to me.

There's got to be something wrong with me. I mean.....Just that? Was that really all it took for me to fall in Love? "Love at first sight", HA! That has to be one of the dumbest phrase I've ever heard.

"My name is Oliver".

I looked up at the blonde haired boy who had grabbed the book for me and shook his hand, then quickly took out a small art book that I kept in my side bag.

"Thank you Oliver, I'm Logan". I wrote in cursive writing, swirling at the g and y.

He pondered at me for using the art book, but then quickly gave me a smile and said 'you're welcome'.

'He's cute' I thought blushing and smiling at him.

What's wrong with me? This is stupid! What can you really know about a person you've only met once? First and foremost we're both guys. This is got to be just a temporary thing, that's all, just temporary.

That's all I thought it was stubbornly...For two full years....

I watched him-Just watched-For two full years. I returned to that Library every Wednesday just to see him. That watching would be all I'd ever do, that I would never tell him what was in my heart.

Until one day.....When it happened again...And at that moment when he stood there before me.....My feelings started to overflow....

I think everyone has a kind of cup that holds unrequited feelings. Whether or not you confess to the person those feelings are for depends on how much "Reason" and "Confidence" Get put in that cup.

....But the harder I tried to stop them, the more they kept spilling out...

When he talked to me that day, it was so sudden, it hit like a bolt out of the blue. 'I Love you, I Love you, Oliver.....I Love you' was what I wanted to write on my little art book, I had a chance. But.....In that moment.....I totally chickened out...

Wednesday 4th February 1995

I've been laying in the fetal position since last Wednesday, on my Mothers lounge and hoarding boxes of Lindor chocolates. I found no will to get up for anything, other than using the bathroom, taking occasional shower or going to bed. I rarely went into the kitchen for food, My mother would bring me chocolate whenever she would go out.

'STUPID, STUPID, STUPID' Why did I just take the chance and tell him? Why did I have to chicken out HA? Why did you have to be so stupid Logan?

"GRRRRRRR!" I hollered, shutting out silent tears and hoarding the chocolate, the television, and the big cosy wool blanket curled around me.

My mother came running in, but I pushed her away and began hysterically crying as warm tears dripped down my cheeks.

"GO AWAY!" I mouthed, growling in pain. Little noises was I could make since I can't fricken talk.

"What's wrong with you Logan you're acting like a girl?" She asked crossing her arms.

I pulled out my small art book and wrote, "He's never gonna Love me back!"

"How do you know he doesn't Love you, when you haven't told him how you feel?"

Flipping another page I wrote, "I'm a guy. He's a guy. I can't just tell him that I Love him. What if he's straight? And also I'm mute, nobody wants a mute"

"You'll never know if you don't try honey. You better hurry though he's not gonna wait around forever". My mother's soft tone comforted me somewhat, but I felt myself tear up again.

"Don't cry darling its okay. Come on its Wednesday, go get your man!"

And with that, I got my lazy miserable ass off the lounge and threw on a black leather jacket with pins on it over my black shirt, I decided to keep my blue plaid pyjama pants on. I don't care, if I am going to be rejected I might as well not make an effort with what I look like.

As I was pulling on my boots, I caught sight of the hard brown covered book lying on the floor of my room.

"Oliver here I come!"

I marched down the street towards the library in my sexy ass pyjama pants, not caring what the pass byers thought of me. I made my way up the long stone stairs shaking with every step. What do I do? What do I say? Anxious, Excitement, those feelings made my head spin.

I walked inside the library. There wasn't many people the considering it was close the closing time. I walked to the fantasy books section, that's where he mostly hangs out. And yes he was there as always, looking as handsome as always, just being himself. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a red plaided shirt. His hair was perfectly curled as always he was beautiful. Suddenly his eyes connected with mine and he began walking over to me.

I wasn't ready. Nervousness, happiness, Elatedness. All of the feelings I had Bubbled up in one incomprehensible rush.....And overflowed my cup in one go. And for a moment, I completely lost my mind. Quickly, I grabbed my art book and scribbled-nervously-Onto a piece of paper, ripped it out, folded it and shakily handed it to him. He pulled a questionable face and slowly unfolded the paper.

There was a long pause.

"So you wanna go out with me?" he asked.

Huh? What? I started shaking more, what am I supposed to say-well more like write-?

"Sure. I don't mind". He said.

Oh my god I have to be dreaming, does he actually want to go out with me? My cheeks grew red, I was blushing like crazy I couldn't help myself.

"Relax there's nothing to get nervous about, it's just me". He said giving me a reshoring smile. I gave him a shy smile and looked down at my feet.

"So are you going to go out with me or not?"

I looked up into his eyes and nodded. "I love you Oliver"

Oliver took me out for dinner that night and we got to know each other better.

On Wednesday 1st of January 2000 Oliver and I got married and on that day he heard me say the first two words I've ever said to him and you could guess what they were, "I do".

THE END