As Long As You Love Me | j.d.b (UNDERGOING REVISION)

Chapter {9}: Awkward Conversations

Written/Published: August 6th, 2015

Edited: October 6th, 2016

Questions: (Keeping)

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Note: this was NOT written on a particular day, I've been writing this chapter on and off for one or two weeks now.

Stalking down the long hallway, I found the guest room that Chaz claimed Justin would be in. Hesitantly, I knocked. For a second there was a lot of movement, but after a while I heard Guitar Dude's loud groan.

"Come in.." He yelled, trailing off. Quickly I turned the knob. As I opened the door my eyes grew large. Water was dripping from his chest, running down the line of his abs towards his belly button, when it went beyond that, I looked up realizing a towel was tightly wrapped around his torso. A smirk appeared on his face as he shook his damp hair, which now stuck to his forehead in a slight bowl like style which was different since it was always completely upwards. The bowl look almost seemed natural as if it was a style he had always worn.

"Umm..." I trailed off debating on if I should leave the room or not. I completely froze. After a few seconds of thinking, gaping at the boy, I decided to close the door just as I was about to step out Justin called out, "You don't have to leave you know. I said you were welcomed." I sighed with relief when I saw him sitting on the end of the bed, facing the flat screen that was in front of him. His actions let me know that he wasn't going to change in front of my presence which removed the awkwardness from the room. I would've preferred that he threw something on however.

"How are you feeling? Is the headache fading?" He questioned, as he licked his lips slightly. His eyes still glued on the TV that happened to be off. For a second, I stood in my place at the door and wondered how he knew I had a headache from the party last night, that's when I realized he's already witnessed me with a hangover. He's seen me vulnerable and in a state that I hoped only Chaz and Ryan ever paid attention to. He was the one who took care of me besides the boys. This was the second time he had taken me under his wing. Chuckling slightly I walked into the room and closed the door behind me.

"I'm fine." I stated, turning around and walking toward him placing myself beside him. I mad slight distance between us, trying to convey that I didn't feel awkward in his company. I was fine; memories from last night were still quiet vivid however, which indicated I hadn't drank as much as I thought I did.

"You know Chaz is happy to have you back. I assume Ryan is too. I completely forgot what you looked like. Photos don't do you justice and rare play dates as a kid, doesn't help much either." I said, clearly my throat.

"I figured you were the girl Chaz was concerned about. I try to look out for those that I care about."

"You care about me? Damn, I didn't know I still had it." I chuckled. His eyes moved over to me. 

"I care about Chaz. Always and you're someone that he cares about so."

"Fair enough." 

"So, I've noticed the girl's have been flocking. Ovaries are exploding around here because of you."

He chuckled, "Damn, that's unfortunate. I haven't even touched anyone yet."

"Yet." I nodded. 

"On a serious note, I'm not interested." I nodded and for a moment things got silent.

"I'm craving liquor. I'm going through withdrawal." I mumbled. Justin sighed and looked over at me.

"Well, you don't need any." He bluntly stated, his honey nut eyes gazing into my own. He was absolutely right. However, I wanted to feel that rush, that I never felt while I was sober. Months ago I would've thought that you don't need to be drunk to have fun, but you do. At least I do. Ryan made that very clear. I had always been pretty tense to say the least. I felt like a completely different person when toxins caressed my body.

"You're right but--" 

"Yeah, I am right. There's no but's about it. Who gets drunk at two in the afternoon? Nobody." Justin quickly said, his voice becoming loud.

"I do ." I stated, which wasn't completely true, I've never gotten drunk in the middle of the day, this was strange to me but, my body was craving that burning sensation, especially after my attempt to cut my intake. Actually, I wasn't sure if I've ever gotten drunk at two in the afternoon.

"Obviously, you need help."He chuckled, lowering his voice. Abruptly, I stood up and removed myself from the bed, his eyes still following mine as I did so. Who raises their voice at someone then begins to chuckle, I wanted to ask. Justin's words slightly angered me. I knew what I was doing was slowly becoming an addiction and it hurt to know that. I was turning into someone else yet, I accepted that. People change. However, help was not something I needed. I never asked for it.

"You had no right to say that." I whispered, stepping away from the bed.

"But I did. I can't and won't take it back." He stated, seriously. Huffing, I nodded frustration taking over. I turned on the heels of my feet and began to walk towards the door but, before I could place my hand on the nob, his husky voice hit my ears.

"Why do you drink anyways?"  When those words escaped his mouth, I came to a halt and dropped my arm down, bringing it away for the door nob. His question caught me off guard. No one ever asked my why I drank and honestly, I don't think anybody cared enough to notice or ask why. Even though , Chaz knows Ryan and I are under the influence he never seemed to ask why I drank. Ryan didn't either and he was one of the reasons I continued to drink. He was a reason why I did so in the first place. Taking a deep breath, I realized I actually had an answer for Justin's off-guard question.

"...To forget." I said, dryly hoping he wouldn't ask anymore questions. As soon as I answered , I awkwardly stalked out of the room and shut the door behind me quickly, refusing to look back.

Keeping:

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