The Mind Of A Mad Girl

Ray "! Come down here now!" dads' voice boomed throughout the house, echoing off the walls and vibrating into my ears. Dotted bumps ran up my arms and waves of shivers descended down my spine.

I froze. The pen in my hand falling onto the cold ivory leaves of my book.

Silence...

He's waiting, he's waiting for me and I know what's to come. He doesn't like waiting. If I don't move and go it will be worse, and yet I cannot bring myself to move. The only thing real to me, to my mind, is the hard pellets of rain attempting to break me out of this trance.

Thump...

Thump...

Thump...

He's coming for me. It's every hour of every day that I ask myself since she left... why did she leave me with him? When is she coming back? Is she coming back?

Quickly snapping out of my trance I ran to my bedroom door, locking it tight.

The thumps of his feet stopped just outside. I placed my palm and cheek against the icy wood and listened, my breathing was steady, determined to keep quiet. Maybe, just maybe he'll give up and leave me alone, just this once.

My heart is racing. My hearts racing so fast I can hear its engine snarling in my ears.

BANG

I jumped back falling upon the hard wood of the floor, the pound of his fists echoed through my room.

"Raya..." his voice was deep and raspy, as he dragged out my name. he whispered it loud enough for me to hear, sending another wave of unwanted shivers.

"Let me in Raya, I won't hurt you..."

This man is lying. He says he won't hurt me but he always says that, he's not worthy of the titles father, dad provider or protector. He's pure evil. He always pretends, showing the outside world, how great a man he is, hiding it from the world, But not from me. I know he enjoys what he does to me. I can see it in his eyes. The darkness in those small brown eyes.

"YOUR LYING" I scream, all my anger and braver thrown into the air with that one sentence.

"YOU COW, LET ME IN! LET ME IN!"

He repeats it over and over, throwing his fists against the door harder and harder. The banging, the shouting invades my head, my ears are swelling. I run my hand through my hair and pull hard, letting out a high pitched wail. I curl up in a ball rocking back and forth.

"Go away, go away" I whisper.

"Go away, go away" I whisper again.

"Go away, GO AWAY" I Shouted, my voice crazed, I can feel it I can feel myself turning insane.

I'm met with silence, but the silence never lasts long.

Suddenly, my door started collapsing, splinters of wood falling to the floor, the sound of a hammer thumping against it continued repetitively until he broke through.

His face was tight and creased like old yellow wrinkled leather, his dark eyebrows furrowed together and his lips were pulled back behind his teeth, it was as if a wolf had taken over. A wild, crazed wolf.

I crawled back, each step he took towards me, soon enough my back hit the leg of my desk. He smiled a sick smile.

He pounced. He pounced on me, grabbing my hair and pulling me up.

"You always disrespect me!" he screams in my face, beads of spit falling into my eye as his hot breath stings my nose.

"If you do what I say, I wouldn't get so angry"

He threw me across the room and into a wall. My head ricocheted off the plastered wall and spots clouded my vision.

No. no, I was not going to let this happen to me again. This time, I fight back.

I stood up and rolled my neck and rubbed my head. As he advanced on me, he raised his fist and punched me in my stomach, winded I doubled over and stumbled, but I got back up. I saw in the corner of my eye the pen left on my diary sitting on my desk. I stumbled over to my bed, attempting to edge closer to the desk without my father noticing.

"I hate you" I moaned weakly in pain. He grabbed me by my wrist clamping his paws around my match stick arms and laughed in my face.

"I love you too honey" he smirked, and kissed my cheek before flinging me onto my desk. I saw the pen and my eyes turned red. I slyly got a hold of it, all the rage and anger I felt for this wolf of a man burst through me, this new found adrenaline ran through my blood, to my brain, to my fingers and to my soul.

"Go away" I spoke quietly; this finale warning would determine his and my own fate.

He smiled again.

"Or what?"

He waited for my reply and stared into my eyes. His gaze met with a stone hard glare an iced blank face.

"That's what I thought" he snickered. He charged at me again, grabbing me by my neck and readying to swing his gammon meat hands. This time I was ready.

My reflexes were in control as I kneed him in the groin and stabbed him in the eye with the pen.

He screamed a scream so feminine you'd think it was me...

Or maybe it was me...

I couldn't tell, all I could do was think, what now.

I ducked under his arm as he attempted to reach me and picked up my metal fold up chair; Slamming it over and over into his head, each blow calming me down... satisfying me.

There was blood pouring from his head but his eyes still flickered. The chair in pieces and my sanity gone.

"Please...no." he begged. I laughed at the irony; he is the deer and I now the wolf. Giving mercy to the man who broke my mind body and soul was not on my to-do list.

"You see dear father, if you'd have just done what I said, I wouldn't be so... angry" I smiled, toying with him felt good. I felt omnipotent.

I looked down at him on the floor and sighed. A remaining pole from the chair was in my hand and I grasped the cold grey lifeless object tighter.

"I hate you" I whispered, finally slamming the pole into his head.

Everything stopped. Everything was quiet.

I sat cross legged on my bed with the pole still in my hand and smiled. The blood ran down my face and my hair fell into my eyes.

The deer's cold grey lifeless body was comforting, because I finally felt free.

Free from the grasp of a mad man, but trapped in the mind of a mad girl.