All I Need ( Tyga Love )

I lay spread out in my bed, one arm hanging off the side, staring at nothing, with dry tears on my cheek. I don't feel like going to school today and i know mom wont make me, she can tell when there's something going on in my head, she just leaves me be, she knows if i want to talk about it i will. but i won't, i don't tell anyone anything. i keep everything bottled up inside me. i haven't been truly happy for years. i haven't seen my dad for 13 years, my dad was an addict, all his friend where, he sold and grew his own, him and the people he hung around with weren't the best influences for me so, when i was two my mom left him. The last time i saw him i was 4, he has tryed to get in contact with me, that was when i was 9 and 12 thoe, i didn't want to see him so i think he just gave up. i have been fatherless for over half my life, and i truly don't want him back in my life, i don't need a man in my life, weather he's a father figure or a partner. women are strong, we don't need men to support us, we can survive on our own. there is a part of me thoe that wants to see him, a part that longs to know how it feels to have a father to tuck you in at night, protect you like only a father can, i can not remember ever feeling anything like this from a father figure. my mother has been in relationships over the years but only one really big one, they where going to get married, they where gonna have a baby together. but luckily she found out the truth about him before she got into the relationship any deeper, she found out that he had been lying to her most of the time they had been together, and in a way, used us. he was also an adict, and a fucking ass to me, his son would always push me, he was really fat and bigger an older than me and knew just what to say and do to send me over the edge, but that didnt stop me, he was week af! anytime i fought back or retaliated on his son, he would go off at me. around two years after that i was starting to get really sad and never wanted to go anywhere or do anything, i stopped going to school and would really only go two days a week, my grades where dropping and i was struggling. the fact that we had hardly any money and sometimes couldn't afford the rent along with me and my mom always fighting, my friend was starting to be mean without even knowing it and on a daily bass is she would make me feel like complete shit. one day when i got out of the shower i sat on the floor holding the razor blade in my hand and looked at it long and hard, then... i placed it over my sling and slowly pushed it onto my skin and slid it across watching as the blood soaked out, watching all my emotions and sadness float away with it. i would do the same thing every nown and then. by that time it had gotten worse i was depressed and miserable, i even snuck into my moms room when se was at work and got one of every pil she had and went back to my roll and took them, by then i was abusing pills, and was about to give up on life but then i noticed a boy in one of my classes, he kept me happy, he didnet Ben know how i was but thinking about him filled the empty part of my heart. and for the first time in years i was happy. but that all came to a stop a couple of months a ago when he go shot dead right out the front of my school. man fuck south central! i was sad again and now spend my days thinking about what my life could be, if i was someone else, what it would be like if he didn't get shot. i would still be happy...

. . . . . . . .

"Sweety, iv been thinking" my mom said standing at my bedroom door staring down at me.

"Should we move? so much has happened her and a new place, a new start might be just what we need" i would live to leave this place, but we have no money.

"Mom we have no money, where would we go?"

"Maybe compton, its not that far away. its nice there too." I though about this for a while.

"Have you looked at houses yet?" my moms face lighted up.

"Yes!!" She runs away and comes back and places her laptop on my bed and i look at the screen.

"Its nice" i say looking down at the one story, green house with a slanted roof and a palm tree out the front.

"Ill put in an application" she said excitedly.