abyss (swallow me whole) | cyjxijb

| a b y s s // f i n a l |

Maybe it's the slanted rain pouring in fat, sloppy stripes from the dark, crowded expanse of sky. Or it could be the way that the clouds are huddled together, edges overlapping and a muddled purple-grey hue, all in a sad circle that reflects the barren choir room's energy. Sad and puny. Or, it might just be the flyer once hung on the corkboard with unbridled enthusiasm which now resembles a call for murder, a terrible omen. It's most probably a mix of all of these things that is contributing to Youngjae's foul mood, shoulders slumped and shrunken in a hard, blue chair, spirit deflated like a balloon without any air. Youngjae is a balloon that someone has neglected to blow up.

Why does fate despise him? He'd love to know the answer.

"Can we go home?" Wei, the only Chinese boy in their team despite Youngjae's adamant pushing for a wider range of backgrounds, asks from his perch on the risers. His speaking up rouses some of the other members who were previously just sitting, dazed and spacy. There are only seven of them, including Youngjae. But, it feels they are spread out with enough space in between them for an abyss to split the earth and swallow them all whole.

"I mean, we're just sitting here, all depressed. What's the point?" Wei elaborates. "If we don't have the money and aren't going to practice, I could be at home doing homework."

Youngjae can't blame him. He's just wasting everyone's time sitting here in a dim room in silence. Just wasting time.

"Yeah." Youngjae stands, giving them each a smile that he hope doesn't look as strained and defeated as it feels on his tired face. "I guess we're done for the day. I'll post in the group chat when we'll meet next week."

Wei cocks his head and his right eyebrow hikes up on his spacious forehead, skin creasing. Youngjae inwardly shudders at the explicit gesture; he's basically saying why even meet if they don't have the money and are just going to sit around like sacks of nothing, staring at each other and the wall in silence? It's a valid, unspoken question that Youngjae has no answer for. He has a ridiculous notion that next week they'll magically come across a neat, little bag of funds from the student council office waiting for them at the door. That won't happen. He's not stupid, just stupidly hopeful, and that'll kill them quicker than anything else.

"Bye, guys." Youngjae turns his back to face the outdated blackboard under the guise of collecting his things. He's only taking his scores of music and shuffling them uselessly to avoid all and any eye contact. If he has to see one more heartbroken frown he'll really just slam his skull into the ground. Nothing disturbs and unsettles him more than a distressed face, and more importantly, him being the cause for it. He hears the risers creak and moan, feels the vibrations as down trodden feet walk in a group, one filing sadly after the other out of the door. Youngjae responds to a few farewells in a fake-cheery tone.

Once he thinks everyone has left he turns back around, only to be met with the cold, rigid stare of Wei, squinting in speculation.

"Can you just ask him, for us?" Wei asks, burying his hands in the pockets of his ripped jeans. He looks like a fine statue. The unfortunate truth is that he's not, he is a real person waiting for a real answer. As much as Youngjae is disappointed, the thought of asking Im Jaebum for anything strikes anger in him, hatred even. He's come this far on his own two feet, trained a team that actually has a chance of winning something, and at the last minute, in the way of his autonomic success, is Jaebum. Like always.

"I'll try," Youngjae says, eyes downcast and fingers needlessly busy.

"Is it so hard?" That catches Youngjae's attention more than it should. He looks up, directly into Wei's eyes. As always, he's endlessly curious and stubborn. Such a plain question shouldn't affect him as much as it does. He's heard that same question out of different lips and under various situations. He has never had an answer and this time is no different.