@-bruised one-shot contest

Pain is a funny thing

Hey guys! I'm here to enter the one-shot contest held by -bruised. I am a bit nervous and I doubt I will get in any of the first three places, but it's worth a shot. Right? Alright, tell me what you think!
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                                 C O L E T T E

Pain is a funny thing. It leads you to do stupid ideas, that just don't seem to click on time. I look back at how I did things then, and I wonder how I slipped up so horribly. I lost everything because of my insanity.

Or should I say how Damien drove me to insanity?

He pushed me to so many levels and that caused me to do just the right things, horribly wrong. Killing him was the only thing about that side of me that made me happy. I look back on that moment and think that right there was the only good.

As time went on, Logan and Alyia were no help. They made everything worse. They pressured me to end it all. I had to, or I would be dead right now. That might be better than the hell I'm living in...

I will never understand grudges. Logan held so many, Carter held a few, Alyia had a couple. This effected me, making me hold grudges that were meant to be dropped.

How could I be so stupid? Why did this happen to me? I will never be able to feel a knife in my hand the same way again. What did I do to deserve this?

I was saved when they found me. I didn't accept it at the time, but it's true. I think that the only reason I remember what happened this time, is because it went on for five years.

Pain...

Pain..

Pain.

I can't ever forgive myself. I blame myself because I couldn't fight. I couldn't fight Damien. I couldn't fight Logan. I couldn't fight Brett. I couldn't fight Alyia. I couldn't fight the voices. I couldn't fight the pain.

I won't be able to ever forgive myself. A five year old and a six year old sit, quietly mourning, as their legal guardians comfort them, trying not to burst into tears themselves. It takes everything in me not to go to them and hug them.

It's hard taking in the scene. Everything that my pain and insanity caused. I stand in the back of the room, a huge black hat covering my face, along with a cloak and two black gloves.

Tears are streaming down my face. The preacher asked if anyone wanted to come up and say a word of prayer. I gather the courage to walk up. I pass the microphone, and go straight to the casket.

I looked at him, his lips slightly parted, his eyes closed. He looks so peaceful, and that's not a good thing. I took the note out of my pocket, setting it on his chest.

It read:

                  I'm so sorry I have done this. You deserve so much better. I will always love you, my kinky asshole...
                  -The Intern

I turned, walking in the direction of the children. I took out another note and gave it to the boy. He had tear stains down his cheeks, but he still read it and gave me a small smile.

               Jakey,
Your uncles will raise you right, I know it. I am so sorry about your daddy. I wish to change what happened. I love you!
                        -Rose

I quickly left the hall, before anyone could chase after me. I knew it was horrible. I let my tears stream down as I ran away from the funeral home.

Pain is a funny thing, because it caused me to go insane and kill the one man I was able to truly love.

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So, what did you guys think? I kind of had a situation where Colette had killed Louis and then she got help, back on her pills and is sane now. Basicly how I would love her to be, except for the fact she isn't with Louis. :'(

You may not get some of the stuff here if you haven't read The Intern or The Enigma

Please do! They are both amazing and I highly recommend.

Love yous!!!