You know that moment when you read or hear something and your heart drops and you feel yourself sinking?
I fucked up everything.
It's my fault things got to be this bad.
If I hadn't waited and avoided the problem, I wouldn't be like this.
But this is a characteristic of me and I hate it.
If I hate a part of me, then I hate myself.
-hypothesis
Can this be proven true?
Yes and no.
I hate every part of me.
But I hate sympathy. I hate it so much.
I hate it when people pity me because it makes me feel weak and I can't be like that. I must keep moving foward, but I can't. It's all my fault and I'm doing nothing about it.
Can't I just wake up to nothing?
Can't I just go to sleep and never wake up again?
Is that a difficult request? I bet it is but I am so selfish that I don't even care if it hurts anyone. I just don't care because I AM A SELFISH BASTARD WHO DOESN'T DESERVE LIFE ANYWAYS.
See most people who want to die are usually nice people who are struggling through problems too much to handle.
I'm not even a good person.
My personality and character traits are UTTER SHIT and I just can't be the person people view me as.
I'm not great. I'm not amazing.
I say things to hurt people but regret it as soon as it comes out of my mouth.
But words can't be taken back and erased from history once said.
Words can be a powerful weapon, but I use them the wrong way.
I deserve worse than death.
See I can't even stay strong or even stay alive at this point. I just really regret a lot of things I said but I will never ever ever be able to take them back.
But I deserve to be hated anyways, if this is how it's going to be.
