Sin

Time to remember (part one)

Good evening/morning my sweet people. Hope yo are all well.

Its been a long time since i wrote. I had some busy week at work and could not find time to gather my thoughts. But hope this will work. I have missed you.

Thank you all who have read, commented and voted. I am so happy that my book is getting some attention. Please keep voting, commenting and ask me anything you would like to know.

Cheers :) 

The way how Mr. Styles sometimes looked at me it was pretty awkward. He either would stare at me even if i looked at him or would be just cool you know, like, i was not even there. He was pretty handsome, beautiful if you could say that when describing a man. His silk, curly brown hair was so soft, at least that is what i thought (um...what shampoo do you use?), his rose-pinky kissable lips where so mesmerizing, oh and let's do not forget about his body. He literally was like a Greek god, those handsome one, with build and strong muscles, and masculine figure.

But his eyes, green, deep, sometime more black colored, had something, i do not know, some dark secrets in it, so heavy and horrific that made my body shiver. Curiosity killed a cat and i knew i wanted to find out what was Mr. Styles hiding. That must be either very bad or i am just making this up so i could entertain myself more.

Anyways, i am a lawyer, a good one i must say and i like to snoop around.  So lets just make some plane and stick with it. First, i should make Mr. Styles trust me, after, i could little by little ask him to tell me something about him and then, oh and then we will see. I had that plan ideas coming to my mind and discusing it with my inner part when . . .

"Anna, could you be so kind to get back you to work and help me to get ready with my meeting that i suppose is you job to remind me about. It starts in 10 minutes".

OMG, OMG, OMG, shit its almost 5. I snapped out of my dreams and landed my eyes straight on his lips. Oh my God his lips are so kissable. Come on, Anna, there is no time. "I am sorry Mr.  Styles, agenda will be on your desk in a minute". I ran to the stationary room and gathered all printed materials and straight to his office. I was our of breath when i entered his room and even forgot to knock, shut, shut, shut, I am screwed, he is gonna, if i am lucky just fires me, or if not he kills me.

"Mr. styles, i am very sorry, i - i "

"You are sorry for what part exactly Mr. Lane? I mean, today i guess you have to be sorry for more than forgetting my appointment, entering my room without knocking and" he paused for a bit and looked at me, first on my feet and up to my waist to my boobs and my lips, he hold a gaze on my lips, licked his one and "or should you be apologizing for constantly staring on my lips? Not that i mind, not at all, i like that you find my lips so sexy but please, constrain yourself and be professional". 

My heart was raising so fast and loud that i thought he could count its beat. I was so ashamed, i could not even form a sentence. I was looking at my shoos and playing with the fingers. So embarrassing, i would love to if an earth would just split in have and takes me down with it. I am sure i was all red and lost. I mumbled something and ran from the office as fast as i could. I locked myself in girls restroom. 

I have no idea for how long i was just sitting there and repeating and repeating all over again and again the story that had happened at his office. I mean, i obviously liked him, not that i loved him, come on how could i love him, i even do not know him so well. Uhh, shush, know or do not know does not mean that i cannot like him. But why is he so rude, or why the hell i think about that so much? Why should i be so nervous? He is just a boy, my boss, who is very handsome but that is all. Come on Anna, man up or woman up and be strong. And its not like you will fall in love with him. You remember how that ended last time. A lot of crying. 

Not a good memory to look back at.

*Flashback*

Mark, he was a friend of one of my colleagues at a law firm i used to work before joining "Pearson, Specter, Lit". He was all that bad boy package kind of guy. With full, plump red lips, brown hair and dark brown eyes. So handsome and sexy. Everytime i saw him i was so muzzy. I mean  i liked him and eventually after 2 years i fell in love with him and i believe it was the most amazing 2 years. But like every good fair tale it comes to an end and my came to its end very soon. 

Christmas, New Year, i adore it so much. That would have been our second New Year together. I knew something was not good, something was not right. With every strike of the clock he got distanced and distanced. He was not same, he tried but failed. I tried to fool myself, telling that he is tired, maybe i am overthinking it too much but no, i was right. We had a huge fight before coming to this party. He even raised a hand but stopped himself. I already knew it was all over, i was done but on New Years eve that was not right to break up. But we broke up exactly when clock stroke midnight. He turned everything so good and made me believe that it was my fault. Everyone were kissing, wishing each other happy new year and all i got was "We need to brake up, i am not sure i want to be with you, i need some time" those three phrases echoed in my ear as he whispered them, so sexy and hot, i was fainting, do not know it was the words or the way he told me.

For couple of minutes i could not think straight. I thought we were happy. Apparently, i was wrong, wrong so badly. Then he left, left me standing in the middle of that dinning room, filled with our friends and family, i could hear nothing, totally ignored, only the sound of broken glass woke me up. The glass i was holding it broke, broke into millions of peaces, broke like my heart.

It hurt so much, i could no breath. I did not knew i was a burden for him, for so long. 2 years, 2 fucking years, i thought we were happy, i loved him with all my heart. I was his and he was mine. I gave him the most precious peace of me, my virginity. He was my first, i felt a women in his arms, he was so soft, tender, gentle with me. Fuck, i loved him. 

I do not remember how that days of New Year passed. All i remember is 31 of December and his words, "We need to brake up, i am not sure i want to be with you, i need some time". And here it was cold, empty and unemotional me, bitchy me, i burred that version of me and continued with my life but i knew i would not be able to love anyone like that ever again.

Did i needed him? Yes, i did, i still do, but i am too proud to  look for him and ask him to tell me what the hell had happened. He tried to talk with me after a month but i have send him to hell. I was angry, alone, heartbroken and instead of him to try and explain why? where have i made a mistake he kept repeating that he wanted time, time from what? me? I shot him out, i forgot, burred that part of my life deep in my mind and threw the keys away. But now Mr. Styles had creaked that part of me and i was afraid.