It's so strange, not having you here. I know it's been a month but I think, now that I know you are really gone, it only makes the pain so much worse. I had assumed that you were blocking me out for whatever the reason, and I was somewhat okay with that. So I ended the relationship. However, as soon as I got the news, I regretted ever thinking badly of you. It's still so hard to explain how I feel other than pain and confusion. I'm not sure why God would take you so soon. We were supposed to travel the world, remember? We were supposed to hold eachother and never let go. You were there with me when I had completely lost it all. Now I feel like everything is just spiraling downwards. I can't get back up.
I know that you wouldn't want me to cry over you, but I can't help it. It hurts so badly. However, the most prevalent feeling is numbness. Numbness and confusion. I'm not even sure what it is that I do truly feel. Everything is just so jumbled so that I can't put it into words.
I feel selfish, asking for the package you were going to send me. I know how hard it must be on your family but I just want something to remember you by. Maybe if I had a sweatshirt I could sleep at night, curled up with the scent of you.
I miss your voice. Your cute little accent and the way you called me bunny, it made me blush every time. Just hearing your voice put me under a spell and my heart beats harder for you. Your voice sent me to one of the happiest places, even in the darkest of times. I guess this is what I get for loving, for believing in a happy ending. I should know better than anyone that, in love - and in life- there are no 'happy endings,' just pain.
I wonder if you will come see me in my dreams tonight? I would love to just hold you and tell you about everything that's going on. Even if it's just when I'm asleep. Or, at least, just to say goodbye; or hear you say it to me.
Are you thinking of me up there? I'm sorry, I must sound selfish, wanting to be on your mind. Honestly, though, I don't care. I'm not sure how it happened. No one ever went into detail. All I was told was that you passed away in a wreck. I don't think it's fair. You were so sweet and full of love. You loved the world, and that's why I loved you; you showed me how to love deeply. I had always imagined going to visit you once I could. I imagined your face, and the smile. I loved your cute little half smile. I loved every single thing about you and now, it's gone. It's so strange how someone can be there one day, and gone the next, and there is no way to go back. I miss you so much, please come back.
