When you left

Chapter one

It didn't stop.. Everything kept going. No, the world didn't end. It didn't even pause for a moment . It just kept going even though you were gone and I was alone. I didn't know what to do honestly.. I waited patiently for you to come back .. I thought gosh he has to walk through that door.. He can't be gone not yet at least.. I need him.. He's not gone he is going to walk through that door I just know it .. I waited for two weeks . Two weeks I sat in my apartment waiting for you to walk through that door and tell me that everything is going to be ok and that you weren't gone. But you never did. You never came through the door and embraced me with your tight hug and looked at me with those warm brown   eyes. You didn't apologize for scaring me and making me wait so long. You didn't come back to me.. I cried. I cried every night from missing you . You were my everything .. You were my world. Now you're gone and I can't see you ! My world is gone and so is my happiness.. Why did this happen to you ? Why did it have to be you ? You never hurt anyone .. You didn't do anything wrong,yet now you're gone and nothing can change that. It wasn't your fault !!! It. Wasn't... Your... Fault ... You were at the wrong place at the wrong time and now my love is gone .. Why is that ? It could have been different.. If you had listened to me .. If you had stayed home instead of going to store.. I told you not to go out.. You didn't listen . You insisted on going and getting Advil for my headache that night.. You're so stubborn.. Or You were stubborn.. I saw you grab the keys and I growled at you for your stubbornness but you blew me a kiss and you went for the door.. I didn't get the chance to say bye or I love you just one last time... I need you to know that... I hope you knew that... 
    It's been a year since you left me and boy it has been tough.. For months I saw you everywhere. Everything reminded me of you. Every restaurant I would go to and every time I would go shopping, memories of you would flood into my mind washing over me like a tsunami, leaving me feeling miserable. I tried to stay home,but it would be worse there. I couldn't escape the constant reminder of you everywhere and it was killing me inside. I was drowning in a sea of memories and depression,and no one knew it. I hid it behind the smiling faces and crazy events I had to attend to, behind the class work and my favorite books. Even my music didn't express my thoughts. I was told I was strong, and brave for taking your death this easy, but they don't  know the truth. The amount of effort it took just to get out of bed in the morning knowing you weren't there was tremendous. It left me breathless and disoriented. Nothing seemed to help. Hours on hours of talking to a therapist, doctors and psychologists about this empty and unhealthy feeling your death left me in. No one could help me. They didn't know what to do about my broken soul or my broken heart. They don't teach you how to fix those in medical school.