To Live Without Love

Part 5

To live without love Pt5

Back to reality~

Every night that goes by just gets colder and colder and evenings no longer make me smile. It seems like forever since I last spoke to El a repeat of her voice still lingers and I truly believe i'm haunted. Flashes of memories with her still appear and my dreams are no longer what they used to be, no more anything. That one week with her went by so fast, I didn't get to spend as much time with her like I wanted to and I didn't even get to take her to the snowball. I keep replaying everything that happened and how I promised that once it was all over she would be officially part of the family. I couldn't look at her without crying so I promised her in tears and she held my hand as I held her's. Her soft skin I felt as I rubbed my thumb softly against her's and hoping that it would all be over soon. There are times when she would come to me in a dream and ask me to come find her as if she was close by and not really gone. She would approach me with a hug and a soft light kiss on the cheek while telling me that she misses and loves me. Those dreams I was never able to figure out why I was an am having them but even seeing her in a dream feels like its enough but when I wake up I just end up missing her more. Her fort is still up but my mom and I have turned my room into a girl's room and my bedroom is now downstairs. We painted the wall's yellow and wrote "I love eggo's." My mom said it could be a good distraction to get up and do something and it was because for once I actually forgot that El was gone. I remember what it felt like to not feel the pain even if it was just for a moment and I remember how hard it hit me when that moment was over. But I will continue to live if not for myself for her cause maybe she isn't gone, maybe she is out there somewhere waiting for me to find her. Maybe she will come back..just maybe there's still hope.