Matty decided to take me to a house party. It seemed cool but I left after an hour.
I walk home thinking of Lexi. I begin to cry. It hurts. It hurts so much. But that's when I realize that I'm done. And I'm gone. I used to say I'm sorry. I still do. Not in person but every time I get some type of sleep I tell her in my dreams. October 7th is coming up. We would've made 9 months. I messed it all up.
She's gone forever. I'm gone. There will never be a Lexi and Rose. Now it's just Lexi and her new girlfriend. When I found out it hurt.
A lot. You ever wonder what it would be like if you never messed up. I think that a lot. It's like my life meant something with her. But now I'm just working on me.
I gotta get over her and move on. As I get home I realize that I'm gonna be something.
I walk in the door. And a few minutes after. There's a knock. I'm not dressed I was just about to get in the shower. So I wrap the towel around my body to see who it is. And guess who Lexi. I let her in. Not caring what she has to say. She goes to sit down on my bed.
I walk back to the bathroom to take a quick shower. I get out and get dressed. Walk out the bathroom and say
What do you want? I was annoyed and mad and sad.
I can't talk to you no more. When I heard that I wanted to cry. But instead I turned around walked to a big bag that I had put all her stuff in and give it to her.
Is this everything even my hats?
Yea now you can leave. My voice cracked shit. Here it goes the tears.
U can leave now. I said as I try to stop crying.
It never works gosh. Okay Rose it's time. I open the door for her so she can leave. Once she put I shut it and start crying.
I rush to the bathroom thinking I shouldn't do this. But I did it anyways I grabbed the blade and started cutting.
Eventually I stop not knowing how many I did. I didn't even bother to clean up the blood. I left it there. And I soon enough drift off to sleep. Knowing my bed will have blood on it the next morning.
Idk just how I'm feeling at the moment. 😔💯💔
~charisma
