Dear Amaris,
I was left alone with no one to protect me: not even was I ready for the battle scars that I have received from fighting this battle alone. This battle which I was to conquer with you by my side but was lost all hope when you left.
I promised to myself the day my mother died two things- that I would never believe in God and that i would never fall in love. But my promises had become a mere phrase when you came into my life; the girl
with short brown hair and green eyes was the person who changed me. Changed me into the person I was before I suffered.
She looked me in the eyes and didn't lie she held me with no word but endlessly told me it would be ok with one glance. i was ready to believe Amaris believe there was love for me believe there was a god that had brought you to me until the day you left the day you would go back home and might never come back. I remember that day i went back to my apartment and drank the whiskey that had stayed in the cabinet of my kitchen since my mom died i finished the bottle and threw it across the room and it shattered .i punched the walls and threw whatever i could get my hands on and i heard the door slightly open and i saw your green eyes the green eyes that brought me happiness but at that moment was the only thing that could infuriate me more. you came into my room and begged me to stop but i continued to throw things not knowing how much it hurt you to see me in pain i looked at you and needed you to know how i felt the pain that was in my heart how it felt when you broke it to a million pieces and then shamelessly stepped on it like nothing would change. so i broke you just as you broke me.
i never loved you were the last words i spoke to you the words that crushed me just as they crushed you i look back every day thinking of all the things i could have said but didn't and yet the next week you still left and i was alone again with nothing except for the picture i had of you on my desk the only thing i couldn't demolish because of how dear it was to me. i took the picture and put it close to my heart and a tear streamed down my face when i remembered the day i took the picture. the memories of you and me the memories i shared with you and now were just a brief moment in time i laid in bed hoping you would come back and tell me that everything was ok but you never did and i tried to move on but i never could. you were the first thing i thought of when i woke up and the last thing i thought of before i went to sleep and that never changed the day i got a call from your sister telling me that you were in a coma i could have not gone and forgotten about you but the part of me that loved you took the first plane to Chicago and took a taxi to the hospital and found my way to your room in which you were sleeping. i took your fragile hand that have now become pale and intertwined them with mine and looked at your beautiful face which was drained of its color i was kneeling by your bed praying you would live .praying that i would be able to see you open your eyes again. because if you left me god would have taken away the two most precious people to me and i wouldn't have a reason to live. so just as i am i have nothing but this silence the silence which had taken over and the silence that i so ever wanted countless times but i couldn't get but could slowly feel coming upon me was now my oblivion.
love ,
xavior
