Small Nights

"Little Miss Lemoney Jude"

There are two sides to every person. The side that the people see & base their opinions off of, then the side that no one sees. That, in an instant, can change anyone's view on you. That describes me. Preppy, happy, goofy little, Miss Lemoney Jude, or at least that is how people perceive me.

I kind of like it that way. Having people think that they know me. I'm kind of like an ocean. People can look out on it, take boats out, even wade in the water, but until someone has the courage to scuba dive to the deepest part, they only get a glimpse.

Me. 17. I'm 5'1". Blonde hair, green eyes. Artistic, musically inclined, good at basically every sport I try. I don't keep close friends. Just friends that think they're close to me, but they really have no clue. I've been in love once, but in a way, multiple times. Falling in & out of love with the same exact person every time he came back around. It was fun yet complicated, but he didn't really love me.  Who would?

I basically live for death. I have an acute form of anxiety (panic attacks occur often), diagnosed depression (something a lot of people do not know), & I attend therapy on Thursdays. I'm not scared to die. I think about death quite often. How I might die is a continuous topic that runs through my head.

Serial killers, cults, & insane persons, are interests of mine. I don't tell people that because, for some reason, that scares people, so what I do tell people is, I am the starting point guard on my school basketball team, I like to draw portraits that show emotion in people, I sing occasionally, I am ridiculously outgoing,  & I live for music of all genres.

Growing up, I had three stages. The "Preppy, I need to fit in" stage, the "I'm scene/emo, tell me you like my band tee" stage, then me as I am now, the "Think what you want about me, I don't really give a shit" stage.

I'm secretly very manipulative when I want to be. I tend to only use it on naive guys because I think it's funny, but usually, typically, I'm an all around decent person. I make pretty good grades, & almost everyone likes me.

I won't get into family matters because that would take decades to explain. All you need to know is, my parents are divorced & I live with my mother and younger brother, whom annoys the living shit out of me.

Now, to get on with things, this whole thing is basically about me being sad & lonely. So, enjoy!