I Do Not Believe in Love at First Sight

I Don’t Believe in Love at First Sight

PMCrisostomoS

This is just something that drives me crazy. It’s not that I don’t believe in love, no, it’s far from that. It’s just that no one can fall in love at first sight, not even me.

Look, I already know who the girl for me is and I’m telling you that nothing like love ever happened like that. The first time I saw her, I just saw her. There wasn’t any dramatic sudden turn of heads so that our eyes would have met. There wasn’t this quick beating of hearts that enchanted the two of us, alerting that our soulmate was within reach. I don’t think she even saw me then. Nothing really happened. It was nothing at first sight.

We kind of became friends sometime after that. I’m not sure when or how because like I said, I wasn’t a lovesick boy to pay attention to details. She was everything you’d normally see in every friend. She’s cool to hang out with, keeps up with my madness, and together we make a great team. Note, team, not partners nor couple. And no, I wasn’t crushing on her that early either.

Just so you don’t say that I wasn’t nice, I’ll humor you for a while. Okay, she’s got the looks. She’s cute and nothing more. There, I said it, happy now? Try not to get it mixed up with infatuation because I already told you that there wasn’t any spark at first, at all. She’s pretty and I’d say I don’t look half bad either but we’re just friends, plain and simple. Don’t get into your head and complicate things.

But I keep seeing her for a while ever since as if she’s all over the place. She’s always there in the corner of my eyes, in the back of my mind, in the shadow of my dreams. It’s not romantic, it’s actually annoying. Can’t a guy have some space? She just keeps popping out of nowhere and I always just so happen to see her. Really, I don’t know what just happened but suddenly she’s everywhere.

And I stopped seeing her soon after.

Now I keep looking for her.

It’s not like I was stalking her or anything. As far as everyone’s concerned, nothing really did change. I just thought I’d stop every once in a while to scan everything that I can see. I’m trying to find those locks and tresses, those smiles and movements, and those little things that give her away. She’s really hard to miss considering the things that she does (and does to me) but it’s funny because she’ barely easy to find. It’s as if I know she’s just there and I’m only a tilt of a head from being seen. She sometimes makes me think that she’s actually hiding. That doesn’t stop me from searching.

But sometimes I’m lucky and I catch a glimpse of her almost effortlessly. I keep looking at her.

Then she started looking back.

Suddenly, I really felt uncomfortable under her gaze so I blinked and looked away. It was awkward. Maybe that was a wrong move, a mistake that i should have avoided. And I wished with all the allowance that I have that it won’t happen again.

But life just had to be a bully.

That awkward moment when you stare at someone and she stares back, it never left me. If anything, my whole life was suddenly replaced with these moments. Wherever I went, she followed or so it seemed, or was it the other way around? These moments just came and went but not without leaving this feeling inside me. I’m not really the poetic type to say what it feels like; I just know that it feels good.

We’re in denial. We’re both pretending these things never happened but I can tell she knows it all too well. She’s always blushing afterwards but I’m not. I’m just a little warm in the face that’s all. They happen even more than when they started but there’s something different now. I think it has something to do with that feeling and it messes up my mind.

It’s not enough that I get to see her.

There are times where I would brush past her even when there was all this space around us. I didn’t bother trying to come up with a reason since she never bothered on asking why. She caught on though; she started doing it to me too. Her touches were torture, I tell you. We just kept getting closer and closer up to the point where we are now. Everything’s transformed and I can’t help but feel smug about that. After all, I got past the friend zone.

Then again, some things never change. Old habits die hard, I guess. I just can’t help but steal a glance at her whenever I could and I know she does it too.

 Magnets, she told me.

That has to be the explanation and it didn’t explain anything at all. It was a stupid idea and it was just like her to think of it. I’m just as bad as her, maybe even worse, because I agreed with her with just one look at her. It was pretty convincing to me. A lot has happened, we still look at each other but we don’t just stop there anymore. We make an effort to do more than just eye contact.

This is why I don’t believe in love at first sight since I didn’t jump at the first chance head over heels. It’s because of her and everything she does that made me fall for her.

I can’t stop myself from looking at her because she keeps staring right back at me. And it’s when we gaze at each other until we shut our eyes for a kiss that I can softly declare that I’m in love with her, ‘love at first sight’ rule be damned.

~xoxo~ Written with frisson ~xoxo~

Thursday, January 19, 2012

PMCrisostomoS