That Indian Woman | √

Chapter 24

*unedited*

Anvesha:

I stared at the wall blankly, coaxing myself to come out of the gloom I've created around myself. Why had the woman's statement affect me this much? It's not like anything was possible either way for me.

I felt foolish for emerging myself in unrealistic fantasies. This is what happens when you loose touch with reality. And I had brought this sadness upon myself.

My eyes started to water again, and again I harshly rubbed them to get rid of the weakness. No, this is not me. I'm Anvesha Anand, the woman who is strong and does not cry because of others.

But I was decieving my heart. Because it was the only place in my body, which ached because of a man who did not lo-- share my feelings.

My eyes widened suddenly. I-I admitted it.

I suddenly got up from the veranda and walked towards the kitchen in a hurry. I filled a glass with water and then instead of drinking it, threw it on my face. I felt like I was doing a treachery. No, I couldn't have romantic feelings for a British man! This was wrong, so wrong!

It was wrong in every way! First and the most important of all, he was a British. He belonged to the people who took away everything from my country. Second, I am not supposed to feel for someone like that! I have no intentions of being romantically involved with someone before I get married. Third, it wasn't acceptable anyway and I didn't want to hurt my own father.

Fourth, he doesn't even think of me as a friend probably, so thinking about me in a romantic way was impossible.

And this realization hit hard. My chest ached again and my heart rapidly beat like someone was chasing of with a dagger. Or rather, someone had already pierced it with a dagger.

I wiped my face and walked towards my room. There was an oval mirror hung on the wall. And when I stared at it, I didn't see myself. Instead, I saw a woman with red eyes and moist cheeks. With dishevelled hair and wet sari.

And suddenly, tears were falling freely from my eyes and the ache from heart spread everywhere.

It was realization dawned on me that as much as I didn't want to accept that I felt love for Alexander, I was only lying to myself.

Because it was the truth.

❇❇❇

My father looked at me with worried eyes. He folded the newspaper in his hands and then turned his body towards me.

"Avi, what happensd Shona?" He asked me in a soft voice, just like he used to do when I was a child.

My throat choked with emotions, but I shook my head and told him that I wasn't feeling well. He accepted the lie and told me to go in my room and lie down. So I did that.

I ran a hand over Gayatri Devi's journal, given to me by him.

I suddenly felt very agitated with myself. What is wrong with me? I should not let this affect me. And I won't!

I took the journal and then placed it in the deepest corner of my almirah.

I took a deep breath as a sudden cold breeze entered the room. It made me shudder and I stuffed myself in the bed.

❇❇❇

I was ready for a new day. I tied the last knot in my hair and smiled to myself. I was wearing a blue sari and had a shawl draped over my upper body. It was cold outside.

Even though my eyes were red and slightly puffed, I assured myself that I was fine. Even though my heart seemed to think otherwise.

My father has left by the time I had the breakfast. I took my carry bag, locked the house and started to walk towards Bethune.