I've thought about this a lot. I've come to realize what happens in real life after you commit suicide. I haven't first hand had to experience a loss to "this dark curse", but my parents have, friend's cousin, grandma, past students at my school, and recently a girl one town over killed herself due to cyber bullying.
If you're here because you feel as if you want nothing more to die, please read this. It's true, no matter how much you think you're alone; I'm listening... I hear your silent screams.
Since it's near Christmas time, I think it'd be a good time to say this.
Christmas is when the rate of suicide is always at it's highest, I just need to say something... Please don't kill yourself. Believe me dear, I know living is the hardest thing about life... but you have to keep going, not for yourself, but for others.
I know it feels like no one would notice if you were suddenly gone from school, work, friends, the community, etc. If you only knew the truth.
My neighbors all got together and bought my mom a huge bouquet of flowers and made several home cooked meals for us when she had her surgery, imagine what they'd do if their child committed suicide?
Well, probably not much; They'd be in shock and depressed thinking about the happy little girl that used to ride her bike around the neighborhood.
And your family? They would never be the same. It'd take about a year for them to be able to muster even a smile again. They'll never feel like a "family" or complete ever again. Even if your family is the reason for your wanting to leave, they won't even be able to get out of bed in the morning for weeks. They'd see no reason to... Their child is gone. Dead. Buried under the ground in a huge wooden box. No more giggles, no more smiles, no more heart beats. Just cold and lifeless.
Your friends? They won't ever be the same either. They'll sit and question what they did wrong, why they couldn't see the signs before it was too late. They'll live with the guilt for the rest of their life. Their ability to love and trust will be screwed up and unfixable. You'll always be on their mind, and moments when they should be happy, they'll only feel indifferent at best. Every song they hear, they'll be reminded of you and how they failed you as a friend; maybe even leading to their suicide too.
Your school? The morning after you take your life, the principal has to get on the intercom and tell your school about your passing, and when they'll host a memorial service for you. Kids that haven't even talked to you before will burst out into tears, and ones that have will have to go home, where their parents will attempt to find a way to comfort them and make it better; but deep down they know they can't ever fix it and make it better.
They just can't stand to be in a place where you two used to write notes to each other and share jokes. They'll have to see a therapist, a guidance counselor; and their parents will hope the help their getting for their severely depressed kid, in which they can't afford, will make them feel whole again.
The office helper will start crying, helpless to stop as they clean out your locker. Knowing that you were the last person to touch the dial on the lock.
The community? They'll get their paper, and on the front page will be your face attached to what you did; but never a light shone on what you've done. The world will only remember you as the person that killed them self. Not only will your town hear about what you did to yourself, but several towns near you will.
I heard of a girl who killed herself, she lived 30 miles away; and I questioned what I could've done to do save her. I cried, and I never even heard her name before. People care, people you don't even know about.
Please... not tonight, not tomorrow. Save a life by saving yours. You are loved, and it is worth it to stay here tonight. I love you, and we can make it through this... Always remember.
Love concurs all, love defeats all the negatives; even depression. I love you.
My name is Maggie,
and I want to show you I love you reguardless of your past, present, and future.
Kik me anytime, @blondebarbiee.
