It's 1 AM and I'm just sitting here... I was reading a story then I just stopped. I thought about my life...it seems so pointless. I write. But for what? I go to school. For what? School is meant to help us learn, not stress us out to the point where we cry in the bathroom.
I feel like my life is going nowhere... Like its worth nothing... I really don't know. I know what exactly is going to happen in my life, I'm going to finish school...Go to college. Find a job... Be "happy" for a while... Get a new job... Meet someone. Fall in "love" Break up. Start over again and get married to someone. Then have kids... And die. Like almost every other person. It's... not what I want. I want my life to be more than that. I need something more. I can't have a boning life. It's gonna kill me. Each day passes and I feel like I'm less here... The more I feel like my life is meaningless. It sounds all emo and like I'm trying to get attention..But I'm really not. I feel like this. When I write I feel a little more alive. Then reality snaps me back and I feel...I don't know how to explain it. I don't really know how to explain any of this.
Some moments I actually smile. But when it's over I end up feeling even worse. I wish I felt...more meaningful. I know I don't matter. I know my life doesn't really matter. I know how its gonna end. And there's nothing I can really do about it. My expectations are too high. But I can still dream...
Sorry for this. I just needed..to write.
