Some people expect "oh your pretty one or the popular one" from me. No. I'm just an ordinary person that was once a no body and become a somebody by taking care of myself. I keep telling myself your not like them, you only got yourself. But when I'm around people I become friends and smile for a bit. Some people wind up stop talking to me because of the music I listen to or what I look up. Okay? I listen to screamo and look up creepy pasta that shit soothes me. Keeps me sane while the people in there are not. I'll be sane enough to have a real friend anyways. I'll always have the thought of killing them. I've never acted upon those feelings either but they get worse. I didn't make myself this way other people did. Ha. People tell me I act like Jeff the killer because he doesn't care about anything. I've been told I have no guilty conscience and that I'm cold hearted. I guess you can say that because I really don't care and it makes me hurt when I believe it. No one knows what it's like driving yourself insane. So for now I'm labeled as an emo but I don't look it. I keep myself distance from others making myself an outcast. The reason why is because you can't be friends with someone you always think is gonna stab you in the back or literally wanting to stab them. The only thing that makes me feel normal is him. No, I won't tell you his name. But just know how special he is to me. Someone who can make your insanity turn sane for a while. Make your heart beat faster than a race car on tracks. That can make you have butterflies and make you feel scared at what's going to happen at the same time. One that can make your broken heart sew up and not bleed for a little bit. Make you feel like a girl. Right now we're broke up. It's the worst pain I'll ever feel worse than having a baby because I've been feeling for a while. He wasn't there on my birthday but he now wishing me a happy birthday . Doesn't change anything but the fact that another girl is with him and that hung out two days ago. It makes me hate him when he tells me he gonna leave her but he can't. I felt like just blocking him and never talking to him again because what's his doing is cheating. I'm not that kid of girl. Right now my emotions are so mixed it's ridiculous. But I can't say anything about it because I want this relationship to work.we both freaked out when we started talking again. I told him I was sorry for being so mean to him I was a bitch straight up. He was an emo as well people thought we were so cute together. Only because I was so short he was was extremely tall. All the times we had man it's just getting to me. I lay back in my bed and let this drown me. But I have to put up with my family. Yeah, they make me wanna rip out my hair and burn the house down in their sleep but I don't . People wonder how I'm so lay back and chill while my brother is calling me a whore and my mom is calling dumb and shit. My sister takes up for me but not all the time. I let this build up so much I scream at everyone I fucking hate you. Go die. Go drink bleach! I scream out everything I have for you. Don't test me that's what people keep telling others. Dude don't test her she will hurt your feelings. Me? Eh I have no feelings for other who have disrespected me. I used to be he ugliest thing on earth but I changed that. I remember how bad no one wanted me. How bad I was broken. I walked around school with no one to go to. I cried almost every night. But my mom wasn't there for me....no one was. I stayed to myself cutting away. Hospital after hospital, I couldn't stop. I had a new addiction. I winded in a long term facility that fucked me up so bad it's hard to tell which is the real me anymore. The placement was horrible staffs being able to cuss at you and pick on you. There's fights there everyday girls getting jumped. I never did I stayed happy and faked it till I got out. He good was horrible, they kept us inside for two weeks straight and everyone got sick. I hated it so bad but I never said a word. When I got out I realized I let people run over me for a while so I stopped it. Became meaner, nastier . Hatred flowed out of me like niagra falls. I hated my mother for what she did to me. I woke up with girls I didn't know everyday for four months. The only girl I will ever love is a girl named Vivian she's my best friend the only there for me. Not many people give a shut about me but I try. I can't say I can do it but I can try because I lost my will to do stuff. Not many people care for a story like mine either but at least you can read it.
