We All Scream

|11|

"How have you been doing?" Josh asks Tyler. He realizes a lot of their time lately has been focused on him and not Tyler.

Tyler shrugs. "Normal. Dr. Paulson is still... you know." Tyler smiles a little. "Dr. Paulson told me a joke the other day. I was wondering if you'd get it."

"What is it?"

"What's black and white, and red all over?"

Josh makes a face. He tries to think of something. It's a weird combination of colors to put in a joke. "A panic attack?" It's not exactly black, but there's white and lots of red.

"Nope. A zebra in a blender."

Josh looks sideways at him. Tyler is smirking. "Okay," Josh says.

Tyler laughs. "That was my reaction. I think Dr. Paulson was probably testing something about my relation to normal society. Like understanding jokes."

"Probably." Josh shrugs. "So what about your parents? How is stuff with them?"

"My mom is still worried about me, trying to talk more about my feelings. I tell her, but she doesn't understand. At least Dr. Paulson pretends to understand."

"They care about you, though," Josh says, a little more bitterly than he meant to.

"Don't say stuff like that." Tyler stares at the ground, rubbing his hand around absentmindedly. He knows Josh wasn't just referring to Tyler's family.

"Yeah."

"It's pointless."

"Yeah."

"I know your parents don't care about what they should. Normal people would find you some psychiatrist or something."

"But they don't notice," Josh shrugs.

"I'm really sorry. I'd make my parents adopt you if... if they thought you were real. Then we'd be brothers and... you know."

"Boyfriends?"

"Yeah."

"You can't say it," Josh taunts.

"Boyfriends," Tyler says oddly, like it's a foreign language.

"Say it again."

"Boyfriends."

"Again and again and again."

"Boyfriends, boyfriends, boyfriends, boyfriends, boyfriends, boyfriends. Happy?"

"One more time." Josh puts his hand on Tyler's head to play with his hair.

Tyler playfully wipes Josh's hand away. "Boyfriends."

"Good." Josh shrugs again. "But, anyway. I have Jordan I have to take care of."

"We'd adopt him too. And... I would have wanted them to adopt... Abi-"

"Stop."

"Sorry."

"I can't."

"I know."

"I can't."

"I'm sorry." Tyler hugs Josh.

"I f***ing can't." Josh clenches his fists, letting Tyler hug him as his chest gets tighter.

"Mhmm," Tyler mumbles.

Josh closes his eyes and sighs. "I'm so f***ing weak."

"We both are," Tyler says, "but I can hold you up and you can hold me up. As long as we stay in place, we won't fall."

"Don't leave me alone."

"I won't."

"Promise?" Josh asks.

"I promise."

There's a pause before Josh says, "Say it all."

"I promise I will never leave you alone."

Josh almost wants to cry, but then he gives a short laugh. "Now I'm the one leaning on you."

"Does it bother you?"

"Yeah. I don't want to be weak."

"Weakness isn't when you depend on someone for something. It's when you refuse the support of others."

"Okay." They lay down on the ground beside each other, arms touching. Josh checks his watch. He's been keeping track of the time, knowing he has to be responsible for Jordan. He's not going to make another mistake like he did with Abigail. "I have to go."

"Okay."

"A bit blue now?" Josh asks.

"Whenever you're not with me."

The somewhat cheesy line makes Josh smile. "You're cute."

"Thanks." Josh isn't looking at him, but he's almost sure Tyler is blushing.

Josh sits up, then leans over to give Tyler a kiss on the forehead before standing. He glances down, seeing Tyler with his eyes closed. "Bye."

"Bye, Josh."

Josh starts walking away when he hears an almost indiscernible whisper from Tyler.

"I love you."

Josh smiles slightly. "I love you too, Tyler."

He starts walking away, not knowing when he'll see Tyler again.

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