"I'm scared to get close,
And I hate being alone.
I long for that feeling
To not feel at all.
The higher I get,
The lower I sink.
I can't drown my demons,
They know how to swim."
Niall knows he should stop, but the high is just too much to get away from. Who wants to deal with the depression and withdrawal that comes with giving up the only comfort you can have?
It feels good, you know? Just once in his day, (maybe once an hour, but who's counting?) he can escape his life, forget his worries, and soar into the sky without a single care.
Oh, Niall's heard it all. The lectures from worried parents, the warnings from friends and coworkers, the screaming of fellow sweethearts just trying to break through. But Niall's too far gone to care about any of that anymore. Why have people, when you can have a high?
If you saw Niall on the street, you would never recognize him. Years of usage takes a toll on the body, one that seems to be worth the hideous appearance. Yellow nails and teeth, skin speckled with marks and scratches, (those nasty bugs on his arms really get him,) blue eyes once so full of light and happiness, now dull and dismal, (not to mention bloodshot.)
Yet, there is still someone who wants to help him. While others have given up, one person has spent years by Niall's side, trying desperately to break through into his protected heart.
Liam.
Everyone tells the older boy he's wasting time, effort, and money, but what does he care? Liam knows what it's like, to be so far gone into the monster's trap you don't have any hope of getting out anymore. But he had done it, and he was determined to help his friend.
Or rather, his man crush.
The news of Liam becoming openly bisexual shocked the world, but he was tired of living in secrets. Secrets, are the one thing the high helps you forget you have. It was part of his plan for a clean slate. (Then again, so was Niall.)
The two had shared their first kiss over dinner Liam had prepared, Niall giving a curt thank you for the meal and blunt goodbye before crushing Liam's big heart with a, "Sorry, but I don't like guys."
It was tragic love story indeed, at least for Liam. Over the years, even when Niall's life went to shit, Liam was still around.
Now, Liam's probably the only one around anymore.
Liam's heard all of Niall's excuses:
"I'm fine."
"It's only every once in a while."
"I can always stop."
"It's not really hurting me."
And with each excuse, Liam sees his friend falling deeper and deeper into something he will never be able to escape from should he continue.
Every now and then, Liam will doubt his abilities to help Niall, or even his motives on why. Why should he help someone who rejected him? Why does he care about someone who so obviously doesn't want help? Why is he wasting his life, when he could be happy?
And with every, "why," there is always a, "because no one deserves to die that way."
And that's the truth, Niall will die if Liam can't help him. That's the fact that keeps Liam pressing for Niall to go to rehab, or even a doctor, just someone who can help him.
"I don't need help," is always his answer, but Niall just doesn't see what he is doing to himself.
That's what leads Liam to his present position, hunched over Niall as he performs CPR before the paramedics arrive.
All those times giving Niall space, just hoping that he'll warm up to Liam, what is that now? Now that Niall's body is ready to give up?
The tears come in a torrent down Liam's cheeks while Niall is being carried away.
"What is it now, Niall? What is that damn high doing for you now?" Liam whispers to himself, watching as Niall disappears behind the closed doors of the ambulance.
Now all Liam has to do is hope, pray, beg, that that pulse, that pulse that's barely there in Niall's chest, is strong enough to keep going.
*
It's days before Liam is allowed to visit Niall in the hospital. He's led to room 299 by an attractive nurse, (though he's more focused on getting to Niall than getting in her pants.)
The two are left alone, and Liam can now draw his full attention to a boy he barely recognizes.
"Bloody hell, mate," Liam mutters, shaking his head at the sight. Tubes run in and out of Niall, the heart monitor finally beeping regularly, and the younger boy looks like he was actually left for dead in an alley after the living shit was beat out of him.
Niall stares with brighter eyes, finally allowing himself to break. He cries in Liam's comforting arms which wrap around the smaller boy. It may be the first time anyone has seen Niall cry, but crying shows a break from Niall's monster.
"Liam... How could I do this to myself?" he asks between sniveling cries, seeing for the first time through sober eyes his appearance. "I'm a monster."
"No," Liam whispers, his lips close to Niall's forehead, "you just got in too deep with one."
They're silent for a few moments, Liam allowing the warmth of his arms be the replacement comfort of the high for Niall.
"I need help, Liam. I need your help," Niall mumbles, his cries becoming mere muffles.
"That's all I needed to hear Niall, that's all I ever wanted to hear," Liam tells him.
"I'm scared."
"I know."
"It's terrible."
"I know."
"Liam, when you kissed me... I... I know I told you I didn't like boys."
"Yes, you did." Liam's heart breaks a little at the memory, but he doesn't dare break in front of someone so broken himself.
"I just... I didn't want to get close... I... I don't feel that way at all," Niall continues, snuggling in closer to Liam. "You've been here for me while everyone ran away. You love me, don't you?"
Liam sighs, nodding his head. "I do, Niall. I love you."
Niall stops talking, and Liam feels his heart drop in his stomach again, just as it did the first time they kissed. What he doesn't expect, is Niall's lips to mold with his in a weak, yet quite passionate, kiss.
"You'll stay with me, won't you?" Niall asks as they pull away from each other, his blue gaze sparking with new hope, the color returning to them.
"Of course Niall. I've stayed this far, haven't I?" Liam reassures him, stroking Niall's cheek with his thumb, the tear streaks disappearing under his gentle touch.
"I've made myself quite the mess," Niall attempts a joke, staring up at Liam.
"Hey, you're my mess, and you'll be fixed in no time."
And although Niall may never be fully recovered from his experience with the monster, his scars never healed, or his features ever returned to their former glowing state, his heart will no longer suffer never feeling. Isolation will never happen. Liam will never leave.
Copyright from Nialler'sPotatoxo. Thank you
