Type: Dialogue rewrite
Before:
"It's okay, I'm fine,"
"No you're being distant and cold."
"No I'm not"
"That's bullshit,"
After:
She ran a shaky hand through her hair. I knew a lie was coming, but even so I had hope she would confide in me.
"It's okay, I'm fine," the empty words I expected tumbled from her lips. Her breathing was steady, but she wasn't a good liar, I knew better.
I wasn't sure if I could get through to her, but it can only end well if I'm honest with her.
My mouth is dry as I speak, but I swallow my hesitation.
"No, you're being distant and cold," it's true and my stomach pangs as I watch her eyes falter. It's painful for both of us, I just need to know why.
Her eyebrows furrow and she backs away, the room squeaks and before it falls silent she folds her arms across her chest, "No I'm not."
I laugh, she's acting like a child, I can tell she didn't want to say that as her eyes settle on the ground. Will she ever wake up from the world she's decided to go to on her own? If I shout loud enough will she hear me?
"That's bullshit!" Before I know it my chest is heaving and her eyes are shining in the dim light. Her tears are a saving grace, and I just want to shatter her world and take her away.
