Second Chances

#00

"How did you lose him?"

Paano nga ba? Nawala nga ba talaga siya?

"I didn't," I smiled. A bitter one. "Kasi in the first place, he was never mine."

'It's my fault'. I want to add. Pero mas pinili ko nalang manahimik. Memories start reminiscing.

Those.freaking.happy.moments.

Now, I feel nothing.

I've always been afraid of rejection. I've always been afraid na maiwan ng taong mahal ko. That's why 'di na ako nag-invest pa ng feelings. Kaya mas pinili ko nalang na palayuin siya.

"Hindi ko na nga siya maalala eh."

"Huh? Why?"

"Kasi, all I could remebember is how wrecked he was when I said goodbye. When I told him to stop this. This childish act."

But how ironic dahil ako ang nagpalayo pero hanggang ngayon, hinahanap-hanap ko pa rin siya. Yung ngiti, yung corny jokes. Our own little forever.

But, oh Gods, totoo nga pala talaga 'yung 'walang forever'.

Ang just like an old, sick man's life, our feelings for each other slowly died.Walang pasabi. Biglaan nalang.

Pero I am the one who choose this. Sabi nila, don't feel any regret sa mga choices mo pero I can't help but to feel it.

Pero siguro, we are never really meant for each other.

Tumayo na ako at nagsimulang maglakad pauwi. I just need to unwind. Para lumimot. Pero mas naalala ko pa yata. Hindi ko alam kung may mas babadtrip pa ba sa araw na 'to.

It took me almost an hour bago nakauwi. Hindi ko na pinansin ang pagtawag nila Mommy. Diretso lang ako sa kwarto at nag-shower. Para maalis ang asar, ang disappointment sa sarili. Lahat.

Nagbabad muna ako saglit. Pagkatapos, nagbihis na at nahiga sa kama. I immediately felt my eyes slowly closing. Mas okay na 'to. Atleast, for a short moment, makakalimutan ko ang lahat.

                                    xox