The Ghost Of My Feelings For You

Chaos

I don't deserve you.
In all this chaos that is myself, I don't deserve you.
In all this demons inside of me, I do not deserve you.
You're much much more.
And you're better off without me. Without this.
This chaos. This volcano. Inside of me.
My head. My heart. Every single part of my being that can explode any fucking moment.

You're better off....
Without me. Without this.

And I drive you away, because I don't want you to be a part of this.
A part of this mess. A part of all this fucking pathetic shit that I call myself.
You are much more. You're precious. You're beautiful.

And I'm scared. I don't want your beauty to be spoiled.
I don't want you to rot like I do.
I try to drive you away. I try. But why?

Why do you stay? Why are you here?
You now how I am and yet you stay.
Why. Why. Why.
Why.......
Go away. Go away. You're better off without me, trust me on this please.
Please...

But I need you. I really need you.
I don't want you to go, but I'm scared.
You're the one that keeps me together.
You're the reason why I can still hold on.
You're my hope. My solace. But I'm scared.
You might not like what you see.
When I show you all of me.
So you better leave now.
While the chaos is still tamed.