I'm a secret

1.

its raining outside and I am sitting in front of the window and listening to the sound of the rain . The tears running down my face again . I am crying again . I just talked to my mum , my mum is up there in the sky taking care of me . Yes she is dead .She died as I was 3 .

My dad isn't here too  but he isn't dead . He is working in London for Modest , his name is Simon Cowell and I am his little secret , yes for sure I don't want to get hate and be destroyed by the press like others but he cant just left me . I was 3 Years old . until I was 13 he face timed me everyday but then it stopped , he promised to call everyday .. 

Flashback

"Tara come down , breakfast is ready " my nanny called from downstairs.

That's me Tara collins I am hiding my last name so nobody knows me. I am a strong person and I am proud of who I am .

"Honey are you coming?"

"Oh yes "

I stood up from my couch and walked downstairs into our nice little kitchen . The walls are painted in an grey and the furniture are white . On the walls are a few pictures of my mom and me with my friends .

My nanny sat on one of the two chairs and smiled at me . Her blonde hair is in an messy ponytail and she wore an blue long dress . Her name is Anna and she is 40 Years  old . I only need her until I am 18 and that's next year but when I am honest I am not too happy because she is like my second mum .

She stood up and hugged me. "Happy birthday to my beautiful girl"

"thank you soo much " I said wrapping my arms around her , yes its my birthday

"My little Tara is growing up so fast, now you are a big beautiful women , I can still remember as you were this 4 years old girl jumping through the hole house and laughing all the time " I could tell she was fighting with here tears , because I was too.

"But now open up the present before I have to cry" she laughed .

I had a big grin on my face as she gave me here little present , I opened it and it was an necklace with a little heart . It was completely gold

"It is beautiful " I whispered .

"Nobody has ever paid me something so beautiful like this , thank you soo much " I now cried

Flashback end   

That was last year on my 17th birthday , that day he forgot to call , since that day he never called again .

"Mum , Anna died last week . I found here dead in her bed .. She was just my second mum . She was always there for me and I miss her ..... sooo soo much . I don't know what I should do without here . She was everything I had left , but now she is gone with everything . With my happiness and with my smile , with the sun and with the stars .

Maybe she is sitting next to you right know , maybe you know and love her too but maybe not . I just hope she is happy  wherever she is ." As I said that I hold my little gold heart from the necklace in my hand that I became from here that day .

Then I looked up to the sky again .

"So mum , here funeral is in two days , but I don't know if I am ready for it . I don't know what to say !" I cried

"You would probably  say 'Just say what you thing' " I laughed crying .

"But you aren't her

if you were here everything would just be a lot easier , I miss you so much . I feel lonely and I don't feel needed .

I don't feel important , I don't see any reason for me to still be alive . I just lost everything I need and I love the most , I don't have anyone left " I cried

"I miss you two! I love you"

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Sooo that's the first chapter and I hope you like it . I am sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes .

I would be soo happy if you leave a comment or an vote

I don't have an book cover jet but I just want to share this chapter with you now . I am not that fast in writing so I am sorry if I don't update very fast . I want to try one chapter a week .

Sooo have a nice day and goodbye