The Pain - Rucas

Chapter 6: Heartache

Days have gone by with them dating and having fun. It hurts everyday see her with him.Im not good enough I always think. People say you have to let go of things you love and if it comes back it's yours. Lately he hasn't returned.

I don't even cry anymore. I've done it so much i doesn't come out. She happy and she deserves it am I right? I have everything happiness, well I did. Trusting friends, well I thought. A house and a family who together. She needs this to make her feel great. Why do I need him?

I still right journals but they become shorter each time I write. It's even harder when you have no hope to write.

May 6, 2016

"Every person has a breaking point. With the right words, they'll break like glass."

Riley M.

I have thought about running away and escaping my problems, but it wouldn't work if I tried. My mind going in all directions. Her. Him. Love. Hopeless. Gone. Depressed. Wish. Dreams. Life. Disappear.

At school it is even worse he doesn't look at me if anything he ignores me. Maya is distracted by her mom getting married to Shawn. Her life is finally coming together. She now gets A's all the time. As for me if I get a C I'm proud. I work alone in projects and eat by myself at lunch.

The times I see Maya she just talks about her life. She asks me if Im okay and I say that I'm not getting enough sleep. Last week she set me up on a date with a boy named Jacob. He was nice and sweet just not Lucas.

SUMMER

Today is July 8 and so far my summer has been laying inside and eating ice pops. I haven't been invited to parties much. Why would I go anyway? The party I did get invited to was Maya's summer bash. Obviously I'm going because I still have to act normal. I've been faking my feeling for so long, i deserve an Oscar. The exact invitation look like:

YOU'RE INVITED TO MAYAS SUMMER BASH
WHERE: 1829 land yard St. Apartment 3B
When July 15 at 7:00 pm to 12:00
I hope to see you all there. Bring a date and have fun.

I wanna die. First off, I don't have a date and don't want one and second I don't do parties. Ugh I have to interact with people who make me wanna cry and barf at the same time. Well it can't be that bad right?

July 15,2016. Earlier that day

I wake up to my loud and obnoxious alarm clock. It the day I have to see the boy who broke my heart. The one who broke me and played with my heart. There the pain where you can live with and there's the kind that kill you. Today is going to be the pain that kills me.

I hop out of bed and brush my teeth and do my usual routine. I take a five minute shower and realize that my cuts had not healed start and were visible. Since May I started cutting AND and I stopped when I found out about eh party but there were scars all over my arms and legs.

I can't go. I just can't. They would thing I'm a depressed loser who can't get a boyfriend. Just that what am I going to do. I go on google and search up how to cover scratches and luckily I find a video. IT took me twenty minutes to cover them all. Phew! Another thing done.

I have nothing to do so I go out and talk a long walk. I try clearing my head and surprisingly it works.  I felt good and somewhat happy. Though were I was didn't exactly be the best, I still didn't wanna fall apart.

The party

I arrive just on time and no surprise, Lucas answers the door. I say hi and run inside leaving him no time to reply. It was pretty casual so far. I saw Farkle and Smackle hanging out and a few other people. Out of no where a huge heard of people came through the door. There must have been at least thirty teenagers waking in. I overheard Maya asking Lucas "Did you invite these people? I said you could invite five people." He replied with "hey lighten up, it's not everyday you throw a party."
I could tell she was annoyed with him

Someone had brought beer and then 85% of people there were drunk. Luckily I wasn't because I know that nothing good can come out of that. I had no ideas where Maya is. I walk around trying to find her to tell her I felt sick and was gonna leave. I open a door and find her leaning in for a kiss with a boy. Not any boy but Josh. What was he doing here? I quickly ran out of there hoping they didn't see me.

I was going to the kitchen when Lucas starts talking to me. What he was saying didn't make sense. He was obviously drunk and didn't know what he was saying. " You know, we could have been together. We should have been together. It's me and you right. Maya's clearly not interested in me any more."

"You're drunk and leave me alone."
"See I don't get that. You have been secretive and quiet but I know you still like me. Deep down you just wanna kiss me."

Well he wasn't wrong but right now I kind of just want to punch him.
"It's none of your business of what I like and who I kiss. You left me you choose her over me and guess what you broke my heart, so you don't get to talk to me."
"Oh. I didn't know I hurt you." He reached in for a hug, but I pulled away. He grabbed my hand and said "wait. I look like a jerk right now, but leaving you wals the biggest mistake of my life. Please hear me out."

"I'm not listening to what you have to say."

"So then we don't have to talk."

He grabbed my waist and kissed me hard. Everything around me felt still and unreal. I thought I was dreaming. Then I started to cry and then laugh realizing that maybe this world isn't so cruel.
"I have to go I stated." I ran out of there, leaving him staring at me. All of my emotions poured out. One second I was crying then laughing. I walked home in joy. I was a block away from my house when I felt a sharp pain then everything went black.

A/n Wow I haven't updated it months but I hope you guys like this part.
What shall happen next. You can also message me suggestions you have for the story:) well thanks for reading and leaving a comment/vote won't hurt!

Emily