I would have suicide on Sunday. So I would just ignore Tenga who was bullying and made fun on me. "I would not be here next week." I kept whispering that to myself as I endured from cruel thing they did to me.
I cried a lot on Monday. I got many wounds on my body, but I didn't tell anything to my mom. She already bore heavy burden even since my father left us. I didn't want to add her burden with my problem. Maybe if I weren't here her life would be better.
Yeah, that's right, if I wasn't here, her burden would be lighter and she could life a better life. So once again I whispered, "I would not be here next week."
I didn't want to cry again, because I would no longer be here next week. In Tuesday, I made a plan for my suicide on Sunday. For the place, I chose my secret place, a vacant house on hill that I used to cry a lot. There was a big tree behind it, I could use rope to hang myself there. To do that I needed a long rope and chair. I would buy the rope tomorrow. For the chair, there was a rusty chair that I could use in the house.
On Wednesday a transferred student came to my class. I knew him, he was Shinji, we used to play together back then on elementary school, but then he moved to Sapporo and now he moved back here. I was so happy to meet with Shinji again but It was too bad that we couldn't play together again. Shinji smiled to me and we went home together that day. Shinji got taller and stronger than me. We talked about many things on our way home. I forgot to buy rope.
Thursday. Shinji protected me when I was being bullied by Tenga. Shinji punched Tenga on chin and made him running away. He asked if I was fine or not and I answered that I was fine, thank you.
Shinji was really kind, I would tell this to God when I meet him on Sunday. We went home together again that time.
Friday. It was two days before my suicide. Mother went home at morning, she worked overtime again. It was my fault, she worked hard to pay my school fee and my life. "It's fine, you don't need to do it again next week." I said as I kissed her forehead while she was sleeping tiredly.
Saturday. Tenga didn't lay his hand on me again, thanks to Shinji for that. Shinji asked me to go home together again, but I said that I couldn't. I hadn't prepared for my suicide on Sunday, I hadn't bought rope. Shinji looked upset because I turned him down. Before went away, Shinji said that he would come to my house to play tomorrow. I wanted to protest but Shinji had already gone.
Sunday. I went early at 7.00. I needed to go before Shinji had come. Unusually, Mom already woke up and asked where I wanted to go. I lied that I was going out with friends. Mom smiled her face looked very happy then she said, "don't come home late. I will have something special for you later." I quickly went out before I changed my mind after seeing mom's face.
I arrived at vacant house. After this everything would be better. I wouldn't be bullied again, my mom wouldn't need to work overtime again, and Shinji wouldn't need to protect me again. Carefully I took a knotted rope, "after this everything would be better."
"Stop it!" said a voice, a second later my body fell to the ground. It was Shinji, his hand gripped my hand and it was so hurt.
"Let me out!" I said, struggling to release myself from Shinji. He was far too strong. A single drop of tear fell from my eyes.
"I won't, fool, just what do you think you were doing?" Shinji said angrily.
I couldn't help it. Tears came out from my eyes as it was rain. "I can't. It's better if I die now. It will be better for everyone if I die. For me, for my mom." I said desperately,
"Fool. If it was about Tenga, I will always protect you from him." Shinji shook my body, his eyes looked through mine, "and do you think your mother will be happy seeing you death here!"
I couldn't say anything. I cried a lot again in that place, Shinji's word was spinning on my head mixed with Mom's smiling face before I left home, Shinji's smile when we met again on Wednesday, and even Tenga's face after being punched down on chin. I couldn't do this anymore, my will to suicide had been shattered down.
"I come back here so I can play with you again, so don't be so cruel by leave me like that." Shinji said tenderly, his face seemed reddish or it was just my imagination.
I nodded. Shinji smiled, he said that he followed me since I had left home. "Thank you." I said.
I had suicide on Sunday. But not by rope, it was Shinji who killed my old self. When I went home, my mother had served a feast. She said that she got promoted on her job. I cried on her lap, she asked what happened but neither I or Shinji told what just happened.
