When Love is all that Matters

When I Started to Notice

When Love is all that Matters                     By: Lonnie Smith 

           Chapter 1: When I Started to Notice


​I never thought that I would have a knife at some guys throat over a girl, I guess it all started when I was 17 years- old. "That's it Sharlene, I can't do it anymore."" Yo-you can't deal with it, I am the one who has to suffer listening to you always criticize me in EVERY little thing I do." My mom said while trying to whisper but speaking quite loudly. "Fine then, if you can't take it then get out of my house tomorrow morning after we talk to the kids about it." Mom stormed off and I had to hide as she opened the door when I was listening. I ran to my room with tears in my eyes that were covered by the darkness in the house. I was faking to sleep when my mom came in there while I was "sleeping" and kissed me and my older brother Greg. All through the night I was thinking about, "How can i fix this, I don't like it, it needs to change." I look at my clock and it is 2:04 A.M. I think," Why can't I sleep? Why won't the night go faster?" I decide to get out of bed and get a glass of milk. As I am walking in there my dad is sitting at the oak wood dining table, he is crying. I decide to just go back to my bed turn the brightness on my phone all the way down so no one would see me.
​"Hey Greg wake up." "wh-what do you want?" he said while turning away from me. " I think Mom and Dad are splitting up." He finally was interested and woke up." What do you mean?" "I just heard them talking and that's what they said.""Hey I promise it is going to be okay."" Thanks." What I was really thinking is," No it isn't going to be okay, how can it?""Just go back to sleep, okay?" "Okay I said, but I didn't mean it I knew I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep, not for a while.  While I was just laying there in bed I realized what I needed to get me through this, a friend.
​I "woke up" in the morning by my brother Greg. To make this situation even better it  was a Monday so I have school. I walked in the awkward feeling kitchen. I come in and say," Hi Mom, Hi Dad, Hi Greg."" Hey Jimmy." they all said. I just noticed that they "woke me up" an hour early. I walk around looking like I am hung over thinking," Ughhhhhhhhh!" Everyone did the usual suck up that lets me know that they have to talk to me about something. Mom say," I made you pancakes, eggs, and toast with butter and strawberry jelly. Mom knew this was my favorite. Then there is Dad, who was sitting down on the table that at the previous night he was crying on, with a glass of chocolate milk which he never let me have for breakfast. Greg though what he did made me happy, he did nothing unusual. For him it was just a normal breakfast.
​Mom said," Hey son, will you sit down?" "Okay?" I said as I faked not knowing why they wanted me to sit down." Dad and I think it is the best idea for me to move out." Mom said." Why, why is this?" I start to sound choked up but I push it way down deep like I push everything else down that I have an opinion about. Mom then said," It is just that your father and I just don't get along." I then say," Okay." I didn't know how to deal with something like this so I just agree with it." It would be bad for me anyways." I walk out, go upstairs and get ready for school. Which gives me a bad feeling, as always.

            I come down stairs ready to go and say," I am ready for school." Dad said," Jimmy are you sure you are okay?" I lied," I promise I am sure."" Can Greg take  me to school today?" "Of course he can."Mom said  as she came up to me and kissed m on the cheek like she always did, but it wasn't as special as it usually is. I go up to Greg and say, "Are you ready?" He replies with," Yeah" I ask mom," Are you going to be here when I get home?" She said while her eyes show that she is about to cry like a waterfalls water falls, "No I am planning to leave right after you do.""Okay." I say with such a monotone voice it is like it doesn't even matter to me, but this very moment is when I started to  notice that everything is wrong and it will never be right, I know it won't and no one can fix it and I have accepted that. I walk to my brothers bright blue truck and he said," Hey Jimmy why didn't you drive?" I said," I just don't feel like it." At this moment I knew that my whole entire attitude has changed.




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