Garden of Thorns: Black Butler x Reader

9- Dead Men Galore

Calling a carriage, you planned to make your way to the Undertaker's place. You didn't plan on actually customizing a coffin for you, but it was the only excuse you had for being there. You heard the hooves clomp outside. You looked out the window and saw the carriage. You said your quick farewells with Ciel and his servants, who warmed up to you like their own blood in minutes, and told the man riding the carriage where you need to go. He looked at you with a bit of disgust.

"Are you sure you want to be heading there, miss?" He asked you twice. "Yes ma'am, I heard you well, but.. Are you sure??" You gave him a look of certainty. "If you absolutely must, ma'am.." The ride was somewhat lengthy. The soft rhythm and motion of the horses sent you to a light nap.

When you woke up, a gleaming grin set your eyes wide. It's raspy yet welcoming voice greeted you. "Hello, Misses ___."

You jumped a little because of this, and it made him chuckle. He courteously opened the door for you. You stepped out of the carriage and corrected, "It's Miss, actually."

"Oh, I should have guessed. There's no ring on your finger.. Mhm.." He opened the door for you. This time it was decently lit. "Hmmm.."

"Something wrong, Undertaker?" He closed the door behind you.

"Nothing dear, nothing.. Say, do you like to sing? Or tell jokes?" He turned to you with a not-so-joyful expression.

"I'm not too sure about my skills in either of those, but who doesn't love music and laughter?" He smiled just a bit and walked to a big object covered by a silk sheet. 

"I'm glad to hear that, Miss ___. I have a passion for those sort of things as well, you see." He slipped the cover off and revealed a piano. He sat down and said, "I'll start playing and you come up with something." You nodded with a smile. He began to play something slow but lively. Something came up to you, and you sat on top of the piano before you started to sing.

(Yes, it's going to be both inappropriate and humorous.) 

See, Undertaker..

Some words are nice,

But others are naughty~ 

Some are okay,

Others are real bawdy~

There's naughty and nice,

so I'll give you some advice:

Before you speak,

you gotta think twice.

While some words are dandy,

more can be randy~

That's why there's a handy 

Little guide for us.

It's called a thesaurus. 

Richard is nice,

but Dick is so naughty~

Puncture's okay,

but prick is too bawdy~

Dances and masquerades,

they're perfectly clean~!

but balls and hoedowns?

Well, that's just obscene..!

Doorbells: Nice

Knockers: Naughty

Nail and screw...?

Bahh, they're both quite bawdy.