Poem book: Discord

IT

I'm sorry
I stutter
I can't perform in front of others

IT!
Keeps trying me
Puts thoughts in my head
Hearing all except
What is said

Do you understand
How hard it is to explain
Something I can not tame

I fight IT
A war in my head
Every single day
I think over every single thing
Because of IT
And it's shit

Every situation that can be thought of
I've thought of it
I've got 99 problems
86 are made up
Stressing over them
With no logical sense

So many voices in this one room
But I hear none
Except one
The loudest one above all
Telling me everything
I've done wrong

I'm sorry
I stutter
I can't perform in front of others

I just don't know what's worst
Drowning beneath the wave
Or dying from the thirst

I have the same feelings
Just like you
But worst

IT makes me want to disappear
I don't even want to be here
Because I'm scared
I rather stay in my room
Where I can disappear

IT is like toddler
Never stops talking
Points out everything that's wrong
Wakes you up at 3am

IT is like an unlocked cage
I can get out
But I'm still trapped in

I feel like a bother to others
By just being near
I repeat I'm sorry in my head
Hoping you hear

My relationships are work for the other
Having to keep up with IT
Having to remind me constantly they love me
Having to be careful of offending IT
Having to always give me attention so I don't think about IT
Always needing reassurance

I can only try to conceal
But I continue to feel
Stuck over thinking about every little detail

I'm sorry
I stutter
I can't perform in front others

IT attacks me giving me
Intense feeling
Foreboding
Gloom
Fear
Doom
These aren't feelings of life but of demise

I wish someone could come replace
The "I" out of the illness
With "We"
Cause wellness is what I seek

Just getting through a day feels like
I ran miles without a break
And at the end of the day
I'm still running in my head
Trying to get away

IT is not always alone it can cause a thing called
Sensory overload
To mess with my head

Sensitivity to everything

IT makes me want to DIE
Makes me want to cry
But IT keeps me from even doing that in public

I can't handle life

Can you imagine your heart beating fast
Can't breathe, suffering
For all eternity
Well that's how it feels for me
Dealing with anxiety

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A/N: If you read this I'm sorry I know it's long, but I hope you enjoy it even if it's a little dark and sad. I know I enjoyed writing it. Comment if you'd like to. I'll take recommendations of topics or types of poems that you'll like to see.
~Bye Nyx Neko out