Widow's Grace

1 - Endings and Beginnings

We all knew this day was coming, but just like everything else you keep hoping until reality smacks you in the face. I never imagined that I would be here. Sitting on my bed in my black dress preparing to bury my friend, my love, my....just fill in the blanks, he was so many things to me. There were so many plans made, so many dreams left unfulfilled. Over twenty years had already passed and we were looking forward to the next twenty. But now it's just me. The kids are in college; this was supposed to be our time, now it's just my time.  

He was too young; I am too young to be a WIDOW.

I have no clue what to do next, there are no tears left, I have cried them all. I won't quit. I made him some promises that I intend to keep, he knew me so well, he made me sign a contract, a long list of things that I would do for him, for me, for us. It sounds silly but once I put something in writing, its official to me. He had used this against me so many times before, but when your dying husband spends the last month of his life making provisions for you and the kids, what can you really say no to....NOTHING.

As I sat there and let out another long sigh, I heard my phone chime to signal a new text message. When I looked at my phone, I knew this had to be some kind of mistake. The name said Allen. Clearly the phone carrier must have made a mistake. I push the notification to see a video waiting to be played. I smile to myself, shake my head as a tear falls, this is something that only Allen would do.

I push play.

"Hey Tori, today is my funeral. I know what you're thinking, it was kind of crazy for me to send you a video, but what can I say. Since my handwriting is the equivalent of a serial killer I had to do something. I know when people are dying they write all these heartfelt letters for just the right occasion, but that's just not my style. Since this is the technology age, I figured why not use that to my advantage. I must admit I have an accomplice helping me out, they know exactly when to send these. I have made some for everyone. You all are listening to me right now. Don't spend your time trying to find out whose helping me, you will never guess, I designed it that way."

"This is my masterpiece, the part of me that you all can keep forever. I have videos to accompany your contract too. Don't roll your eyes; I know that contract will stay in the nightstand forever if I don't help you along. You promised me babe that you would live for me, I died, you didn't, and I won't let you act like your life is over. You have three days to mourn me. Then it's on!!!

"I love you babe, now get off the side of the bed and get moving. Be strong for me, for AJ and for Alexa, I know they think they are grown, but they are still my babies, and they will need their mom more than ever. With everything that is me, I love you Tori, you were my happy ending."

It's so funny how life works, I never knew what he was doing on the laptop all those days and nights, but clearly Allen had a plan. He was smiling and making jokes all throughout the video. He still amazed me. How can someone be happy when they're dying? Allen had come to grips with his fate in a way I never could.

I wiped the silent tears, and walked in the bathroom to freshen up. He was right; I had to be strong today. "Torrance Daniels, get it together, today is about Allen, not you, it's his day. Get it together." I tried to smile at myself in the mirror, and even though I cried all night, I somehow managed to look well put together.

I was never small, never had serious body issues, but on occasion, those skinny chics do get on my nerves. My light brown complexion and sassy short red hair was my signature. Standing at 5'5, 180 pounds, size 12, I was always a curvy girl. Everything in me wanted to crawl back in my bed and cry, that wasn't an option today. So I put on my lip gloss and headed downstairs to face the world.