What She's Worth (Reylo)

Chapter 26

"I just moved out. Just moved out. I...can't believe that...after over seven years of living with Ben that...I've had to move out. But what choice do I have?

"He...even marked the date that I moved out, saying it was still an occasion, so here I am, marking the day, recording my thoughts just like he did with both of us earlier. But it's so...hard. Everything's so hard...

"Oh Force I can't stop crying, haha!

"...

"I had to move out. Really it was...it is for the best. When I saw Lennett kiss Ben...the way his face just lit up...I just knew he'd be happier with her. Much happier with her than he would be with me. So...so I...

"...

"...

"I want him to be happy. More than anything else. Even if it's not with me. Because I...I think I'm in love with Ben..."

"...

"...no.

"I am in love with Ben.

"...

"I never wanted this. Force knows I've tried for years to think of this as nothing but a childish crush but it's not. It's not.

"Oh Force, I love Ben. I love him so much that I...I just want him to be happy. I don't care if it's with Lennett, just as long as he has that light in his eyes and that bright smile on his face. It's enough for me to watch from afar.

"It's enough. It is, it's...

"...

"This is all messed up. I'm just a kid. I don't stand a chance against Lennett.

"I want to stop loving Ben. It...it hurts too much. I just want to...rip my heart out and stomp it and scream at it. I shouldn't love him this way but I can't help it. It won't stop.

"I love Ben...I love him so much..."

Ben closed the holorecorder and stared at the device as he held it in his trembling hands. It had taken three replays for the message to sink in and he still couldn't believe it.

Rey. His little Rey. The girl he had raised from childhood. His best friend...was in love with him.

His heart began beating at his chest like a caged animal, and he had to toss the holorecorder back on the bed, lest he crush it in his hands.

Without another thought, he shot out of bed and ran out of his room, through the dark hallways of the academy and out into the courtyard, his bare feet splashing and hurting against the wet cobblestones yet he couldn't feel pain. His mind was in complete turmoil.

Rey. Rey was in love with him. How did that happen? How could it have happened? She was his sister! Not by blood, but still...he raised her! Was practically family to her! What changed? Did he...do something to make her feel that way towards him?

Distant lightning illuminated the trees and bushes around him in the clearing, followed by the roar of thunder. He hadn't even realized he had gone to his and Rey's special place in the academy garden, but if there was one thing he realized, it was that this...all of this had been his fault. All those years, he'd never given her any reason to believe that he didn't care for her in a way that may have led to her falling for him. All the things he had told her...the things he had done for her...how could he have been so blind? So stupid? He led her on! Oh Force, he had led her on! But how could he have known? Or maybe he should have known. But he hadn't.