Metanoia

Chapter 3

Finally, it's Friday and I actually woke myself up today. I bet today's gonna be a great day. I smile to myself, scratching the back of my neck. I pull down my sweater sleeve to the palm of my hands, as it's very cold in my house. My dad doesn't live with us, he just pays for my school and my mom always works. She drinks sometimes, but she doesn't get as bad as she could. I turn the coffee maker on, and look on my phone turning on some music. My mom is at work so I blast the music. The first think that comes on is "Halo - Beyonce" I love it. I sing along to it.

Remember those walls I built?
Well Baby they're tumbling down,
And they didn't even put up a fight.
They didn't even make a sound.

As I sing along, I notice that it reminds me of something. Yet I can't put my finger on what. But the lyrics... it's like I can relate to them? No one gets through my walls, though. So what am I even thinking? I shake my head, and just enjoy the song. I can't stop thinking about what it means and relating it to my life, so I just change it. I reach up for a mug, swiping it off the shelf and pouring the coffee into it.

I take a sip, forgetting it was just made and let out a hiss. The hiss was followed by a row of curses, some in german, too. "Fucking shit jesus on a tricycle fuck me in the wait-no fuck" I spill out the words as I get an ice cube, like a three year old for my tongue.

I begin to leave the house and lock it behind me. On Fridays we get to dress down and not in uniform. I can finally show off my aesthetic. I sigh out of relief, brushing my hands through my hair delicately. I unwrap a piece of gum and put it in my mouth, chewing on it.

I end up jogging to school, as the first class is of course Spanish, the teachers crazy and Phil is a smartass. It's hilarious. I guess he's not a morning person. Honestly I'm not either without coffee. Like I'll try to kill someone and they bother me. I end up in class a short while later, and sit down in my corner seat. I kinda don't want to exsist right now, ah, the daily existential crisis. How lovely.

"Today class, we'll be learning pronouns in Spanish. Go to page 15 and do the next 5 pages." The teacher says, then goes back to sitting and goes on his phone playing candy crush. I look around, and notice everyone's just talking or making jokes. Everyone around me has friends, mates, etc. I have no one. Even fucking goodie boy has a cute friend. Goddammit even the nerd has friends, so why don't I? I mean I don't talk to people, but that doesn't mean they can't talk to me. Whatever, I don't need people in my life, never did never will.

"Hi-um I hi dan, i- I was wondering if you'd like to come over later.. to-to try working on the project?" I hear the only voice I know, I turn around and see goodie boy. He's scratching the back of his head and my mouth tastes of disgust. How annoying can he be? Ugh.

"Why not" the words fall out of my mouth and just question my own sainity. Why would I be so friendly ? He's nothing to me. I hate myself sometimes I swear to god. I didn't know it was physically possible to annoy myself. I mentally face palm and flicker my eyes over to him.

"O-oh okay. Would you like to-to come over right after school? Like just come with me?" The boy questions, gaining a bit more confidence.

I hesitate before I answer him, not wanting to fuck it up again. Although I really shouldn't care what he thinks of me. "Sure I guess" I say with a smirk. He smiles lightly aswell, adjusting his glasses. "We should skip, skip school. We could get an early start on the project." I say coolly.

"I-i mean I guess, I haven't done that... th-though." I hear the words fall out of his mouth and piece them together.

"That's fine, just follow me." The bell rings as I say this. I take my bag and his wrist, pulling roughly, leading him out of the school.

"Follow me, daniel." Goodie boy says. My spine is invaded with shivers as he uses my real name. No one really uses it, I can't lie that I don't mind him using it. I follow quickly behind him. Soon enough we get to his house. "My parents aren't home, so be yourself." Lester states coldly. Sweet though, I can curse if I want. I follow him in the door, and up the stairs. I see him turn the doornob to his room and walk in, inviting me in as well. When I take a step into his room, I'm just astonished. There's colored walls, a beautifully colored green and blue bed spread checker pattern, life for dead nicknacks on his shelf, and so many more nerdy stuff. My mouth drops open as I see his Mario cart game collection and play station 3 controllers.

"You..... you like all... the same stuff I do." Is all I can manage to make out of my mouth.

"Oh really? That's cool I guess. Let's get to the project, I'll do it all if you want. I want an actual good grade, unlike you." His tone changes quickly from sweet to rotten. He's interesting, I'll admit that.
 

Time skips and goodie boy is looking for paint. We still have to mix them together when the sides collide. Lester soon comes, and we end up finishing the project. "Great timing, it's about to get dark out. I can walk home now." I state, getting up and he follows me to the back door of the garage. He showed me all around as if I was a lost brother. I turn the door nob, and take a step outside and turn back.

"Bye daniel, see you soon, maybe." Phil waves.

I look back at Phil, tracing my eyes over his whole figure. " Phil lester, you intrigue me." I say in a tone, as I turn back and half way outside now. I say again "Oh, and also, I don't hate you. I wink at him, and leave shutting the door behind me. Good work daniel, in about 5 seconds when I realise what I just did and how bad of an idiot I am I'm gonna wanna punch myself. I'm such an idiot, jesus on a boat dude. I walk faster home, and I reach my destination shortly. I go into my room, and flop down onto my bed. Quickly, having phil lester invade my thoughts, I fall asleep.