Like We Used To (One-shot)

Pagsisisi, yan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Hindi nga dapat ito yung nararamdaman ko, dapat masaya ako, pero hindi, I'm feeling the opposite of hapiness, which happens to be sorrow.

My past has been haunting me, asking questions that weren't answered before,

what ifs, what ifs, puro what ifs.

The pain I thought was gone, is still here. I was so numb that I was only able to realize that what I should have done before was what I want and not what people wants me to do,

Yan tuloy, I'm the one experiencing the pain, the agony, the misery of not having you here by my side.

Like you used to.

The endless questions of what ifs starts with,

"Paano kung hindi ko ginawa yung ginawa ko, magiging masaya ba ako?".

I think I know the answer, it's a yes unfortunately. 

We we're too young back then to decide about that "love' matter. Pressure was everything I felt by the time you asked me that question, "Pwede ba kitang ligawan?".

I wanted to say yes but instead, I said, "Let me think". You probably want to know why I answered you that, knowing that I assured you I love you.

It was my parents, they were the one who triggered my mind to say those three words I regretted recently, naisip ko, baka magalit sila sa akin, they'd be disappointed if they know that their only daughter has already a boyfriend at such young age.

After you asked me that heart-melting question and I responded with a heart-breaking answer, you suddenly stopped talking to me.

No phone calls, no chats, not even waving your hand at me like you always do during lunch or recess time.

You clearly stopped every little thing you do to me,you stopped caring...

and the worst part is, you seem to stopped loving me.

I asked myself a million times, is something wrong with the words, "Let me think"?

Di ba kapag sinabi mo yun, humihingi ka ng time, humihingi ka ng space para mag-isip. Para yung desisyon na magagawa mo, hindi mo pagsisisihan.

I lately realized, you misunderstood me. You thought I turned you down. 

I tried talking to you, I tried to make an effort for you to talk to me again but those efforts were wasted, you still didn't talk to me.

I gave up as soon as I realized, you will not talk to me anymore,

like you used to, like we used to.

Hindi ko lang maintindihan, why you won't talk to me, why are you ignoring me as if I'm just a stranger you pass by everyday.

I was supposed to tell and explain to you why I didn't give you my "Yes"

but sadly, you left me. 

You transferred to another school which made it even more hard for me.

We barely see each other, you really treated me as a person in your past.

I thought to myself, sabi mo dati hindi mo ako iiwan, sabi mo hinding hindi mo ako makakalimutan, what happened?

With just those three words, you broke off your promise. 

And now, I'm really regretting. We're almost there,

almost there but I blew the chance away.

Kung kelan late na, dun ko lang naisip, sana pinaglaban kita.

Three years, three long years went by and now is just the time I am regretting all the things I did.

I'm just hoping na sana you'll talk to me again, sana you'll be willing to start off again as friends.

Sana maging maayos na, like we used to.