The drunk history of Fall Out Boy by Brendon Urie.

the greatest story known to man

Alright, it was the summer of 2001. Joe meets Patrick... and he's like, "yo, I know about music." And Patrick's like, "Yo, I know more about music." "That's impossible! Do you wanna start a band?" And Patrick's like, "...yeah that's cool." And then he's like, "yo! This is a book store it's not a music store!" And then they met at Patrick's house. so Patrick's wearing shorts and socks and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some f***ing reason. And Pete's there for some reason. They start playing music together and they're like, "oh let's play some f***ing covers from some other bands." It was like... Green day and f***ing Misfits and f***ing Ramones. Pete said to Joe, "Yo, we gotta change this sh*t up! yo we played all these bands lets play sh*t from Fall Out Boy." So Pete and Patrick are like, "yo, that's dope. But we need a f***ing drummer!" Because Patrick's playing drums and he's a singer. Patrick's like, "Yo, I got a soul voice" and they're like, "wait, how do you have a soul voice?!" And he's like, "Yo, watch this... yEaEaEaEaaah" and they're like, "oh my god! That sounds like soul!" So they put it in the song and it was like, "where is your boy tOnIiIiIiight?" And then they're like, "yo, that's f***ing perfect. This is Fall Out Boy." And they made Records like... Evening out with your ex girlfriend. Evening out with your ex girlfriend! Everyone loves It ("it's called evening out with your girlfriend.") with your ex girlfriend. It's called evening out with your ex girlfriend. It's called eating out your girlfriend. And it's real and it doesn't matter. And Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he was like," yo, what the f**k?! Yo, this is gonna be f***in doooope!" So they made a record and it was called take this to your grave. They made it without a drummer! And they had like 3 or 4 drummers come in. The 4 drummers they had come in were like... Josh freese, Neil Peart, the dude from toto... The 4th one was like the guy from papa roach or something. And they're like, "yo, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley, take us to your grave. F***ing record it." And he did it and he killed it. And he was like, "bIgIdEe lE lElElEl la PHH" killin' the skins! Tappin' the skins! Tappin' the rim! Playin' the sh*t! Killin' these b****es! Rappin' it out! You're getting a f***ing tattoo right now?! What the f**k is going on?! "We should get signed... To fueled by Ramon. Because these guys know what the f**k is going on." They were like, "Yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is which is not f***ing hard, we will sign you guys." Pete was like, "Yo! We got this record that's f***ing dope dude!" It's called take us to your grave. No it's called from under the cork tree it's gonna be f***ing huge. And then Patrick's like, ""I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic. These are three songs from the album and it's called, Thanks for the memories, 20 dollar nose bleed and Sugar we're going down." And they made this record that was f***ing dope and it f***ing hit on the charts like, 1 2 3  3,2,1  3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 10 to 1!!!From under the cork tree sold like 4 million records. 10 million records. 15 million records! ...And Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record! And Patrick was like, "that's gOoOoOoOood" Pete was like, "yo, F**K YOU! I can do whatever I want." Joe was like, "yeah that's cool man whatever." And then Andy was like, "Eh... Cool!" And Pete was like, "Makeup is f***ing great for a guy. Because, it makes a guy look beautiful. And a lot of times a guy is not beautiful. And I wanna change that. I wanna make sure that everybody thinks that guys are beautiful." Pete was like, "oh my god! I'm so embarrassed about this d*ck pic!" And then I saw the d*ck pic and I was like, " eh it's not bad." It's not a bad d*ck... Let's be real. We made rolling stone one issue before Fall Out Boy. And Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed and they were like, "yo, f**k you guys." They were like, "yo, Panic! Has the cover of rolling stone?! Yo f**k you guys! We're gonna go miles above! We're gonna hit every f***ing contanant known to man!" But they didn't because they missed a second of time. Apparently they were like, "oh sh*t we got every contanant!" But they didn't actually hit it. And Pete was like, "WHAT THE F**K?!" Oh you didn't f***ing make the contanant. It's like, f**k you! So from under the cork tree happens. We have like 3 or 4 years of f***ing awesomeness. Like people are c*mming on themselves because it's so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like... So Patrick's like, "yo, so we're gonna name this record from under the cork tree and from inityy- from ish- from infinity on high." Pete was like, "yo, holy of do means... The theatric of two." Fall Out Boy was like, "yo, we gotta take a break." Meaning, Pete was like, "yo, we gotta take a break bRuH." And Patrick's like, "I need time for my music. UuUuUuuuh" and joes like, "yo, I need some time to find the f***ing art dude. I need to find the f***ing metal." And Andy's like, "I'm just going to play with some f***ing metal bands." And they're like,"alright this breaks been two years long, 3 years long, 3 and a half? We've gotta f***ing come back man! We gotta come back strooong." You took my beer away! What the f**k?! ("You poured it all over yourself.") "we gotta make this sh*t legit. It's gonna be f***ing dope. It's gonna go f***ing Sky high! And we're gonna make a f***ing record that sails the skies! We're gonna call this record... Save rock and roll." So they made Alone together, light em up, Alone together, phoenix. And everybody's like, "wtf you're working with this guy who recorded like Avril Levine and Pink!" What the f**k is this on my shirt?! Did I puke on myself? ("You poured beer on yourself.") oh god. Pete was like, "yo, we're gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At the disco and twenty pilots." And that's all. ...and that's all that matters. And that's just how the f***ing story goes.