Well, today's the day. After my mum and sister were so accepting, I decided to tell my best friend Alex today. I've had it planned for a while, but I'm so nervous. I guess I'm just panicking about the worst thing that could happen- that he rejects me or something, because he can just ditch me if he's not cool with it and that would be the end, but my family are stuck with me.
I'm not gonna lie though, I've been a bit of edge all day. Alex obviously noticed, as he kept asking me if I'm sure I'm ok. I'm going to tell him after practise, which thankfully is coming to an end. As we head off the field, I say "Alex?"
"Yeah?" he replies.
"I need to talk to you." I say nervously. "Can we stay behind after?"
"Sure." he says, looking confused. I try to calm myself down whilst I'm getting changed, but it doesn't work. I'm so stressed and nervous, it's unbelievable. Eventually, everyone's left, and me and Alex are sitting opposite each other on the floor. "Alex?" I say quietly.
"Yeah?" he replies, just as casually as earlier.
"Alex?" I repeat nervously.
He looks me right in the eye. "What's up?" We just sit there looking at each other for a second, and that's when I suddenly burst into tears- proper, loud sobs. This is awkward, as I've never really cried in front of him like this since we were younger.
Alex sits up, dragging me into his arms so he's holding me and I'm sobbing into his chest. "Shhh," he says quietly, stroking my hair softly. "It's ok, I've got you." Neither of us says anything for a while, I'm just sat there sobbing in Alex's arms as he holds me tightly.
"Alex," I begin after a while, but he cuts me off.
"No, it's ok, you don't have to tell me what's wrong. It's ok." he says. I'm still crying, and I can tell by the tone of Alex's voice that it's breaking his heart. "Please stop crying James." he says, rubbing my back gently. "Stop crying. It's going to be ok, I promise. I love you so much. So much. I'm right here, shhh."
I've finally managed to pluck up the courage to tell him what's wrong. It's not that I'm ashamed of my sexuality, because I'm not at all, it's more that I'm panicking about the worst thing that could possibly happen regardless of how unlikely it is, and consequently I'm irrationally terrified of telling my best friend that I like boys, because that's all it is.
"Alex," I say quietly, and before he can interrupt me again, I finally manage to say what the problem is. I take a deep breath then add, while still sobbing, "Alex, I'm gay." He doesn't say anything at first, and his lack of reply makes me panic and cry even more- what if he hates me? What if I've just managed to lose my best friend? However, what he does do it hug me even tighter until I've stopped crying.
When I have, he lets go of me and leans back so we're facing each other but he's still holding my hands in his. "James, you know I'm ok with that, right?" I nod and he smiles at me, squeezing my hands gently. "And you know that's not gonna change anything between us, right?" I nod again, feeling the humiliation of a single tear rolling down my cheek. Alex reaches out to wipe it away with his thumb before wrapping his arms around me again. "I'm here for you, ok?"
"I know." I say quietly, and I feel him laugh before letting go.
He's legendary on our team for always carrying chocolate of some kind, and he opens a bag of buttons and puts them between us. "Here, you need chocolate and cuddles."
I smile before hugging Alex again. "You're wonderful, I love you."
He laugh, hugging me back. "I love you too."
We sit there in a comfortable silence for a while before I say "I'm sorry for ruining your shirt." It's true- I cried so much that he had to shift me from one of his shoulders to the other.
He smiles. "It's ok, honest."
I then ask "Did you know?"
"No." says Alex. "I did kind of wonder though, I don't know why. I guess it makes sense though. Who else knows?"
"My sister and my mum." I admit awkwardly. They were cool with it. Even though I cried loads, I'm sorry." After a while, we have to go and put our stuff away in the lockers. Crying really took it out of me, and I need to go home now. Me and Alex walk part of the way together, but he has to go. He hugs me again and I whisper "Thank you."
He gives me a squeeze in response, then turns to leave. Whilst I'm alone, I think how lucky I am. Everyone who knows has been so chill, I'm grateful. I don't know what the rest of the team will think, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now, I'm just glad that the most important people in my life still love me, as I was so stressed. I don't know about anyone else, I'll just have to hope for the best.
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I liked this chapter, let me know if you did too 😉
I'm dreading the next few days, I have tests for every school subject and I have to go to the dentist on Monday, I'm so not brave 😭
I love all night so much, i made my sister (who doesn't even like the vamps 🙄) listen to it and she's been singing it all evening 😂
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Ticket Outta Loserville (Trames au)
FanfictionTristan claims to hate James, the obnoxious yet popular jock that he's had a crush on since forever. But as the school year progresses, is that really the case? This is kind of based off the song Ticket Outta Loserville by Son of Dork, which is actu...
