Constellations

Chap 3

-long awaited chapter three OMO in so sorry I feel so bad I havent had time to get in my writing zone but my best friend and my editor were both asking about it so I finally made time to finish I had both of their help with this please enjoy thank you-
     "Stars?" Jin looks at me with a puzzled expression.
     "Yeah. How do you feel about them? Do you ever think deeply about them?"
     "I mean.... yeah I guess. When I was little Jimin used to take me out every night to this old little meadow and we would just look up at the stars." He blushes and looks down at his shoes. "Not that it matters, at all."
     "Wah" I take a deep breath and smile, my eyes locked on his embarrassed face. He's so beautiful. "That's good. That's really good to hear. It sounds nice."
     "Why do you want to know?"
     "It's just a question I asked out of curiosity. That's all," I say, fidgeting with the list in my hand. My questions all seem stupid now that Jin's revealed such a heartfelt part of his past.
     "Oh, well, alright then." He looks at his feet which are tracing shapes in the carpet. The next questions we ask each other go by like a blur. I couldn't stop thinking about what he had said. After all the questions were asked, he promptly stands up and starts towards the door. My mind fills with fear at the idea of him leaving.
     "Wait. Jin." I stop him. He turns around and I've never gotten so nervous in my life. I realize I can't do it. Not right now. He can't know just yet.
     "What is it? What do you want." The question leaves my eyes darting around the room. I'm desperate for an answer. I can't tell him what I really want; that I want him to stay, that I want to tell him all my problems, that I just want him to lie down next to me. I can't tell him what I really want.
     "Um uh y-you forgot your pencil " I hand him the one in my hand.
     "That's yours, idiot." The hate that still laces his voice ruins me. Isn't this how it works? Had I not showed him that I'm not really the person who's hurt him year after year? I thought he would realize I'm not a bad guy by now.
     "Oh right, sorry. Well please walk safely! Should I call you a cab?"
     "No I live near here." He walks out immediately, avoiding my pleading gaze and all other conversation.

***

     "Damnit. " I sit on the couch grumpily, arms folded across my chest.
     "What's wrong joonie?" Maria sits next to me and places a hand on my knee. I may be upset by the situation, but it helps that Maria is here. She's always been the most stable person in my life.
     "I wanted to show him Mom's room. I got too scared and chickened out. He still sounds guarded." I look straight ahead, Jin's hateful stare invading my memory.
     Maria smiles at me sympathetically. "He needs time to get to know the real namjoon. He's only seen it one time. This isn't a movie or some storybook. Time will tell all there is to know. Dont worry, you're a wonderful boy. He just needs  the opportunities to see that." Maria leans forward, gently making me look at her. "When your mom wants you to show him, she will show you a sign. I promise."
     I sigh, letting my hands fall in my lap. "You think so? I haven't seen a one in awhile. It feels like she's moved on."
     Maria stands up, looking down at me. "Your mother will never move on from you, joonie. After all, I see one of her signs everyday." And with that she pinches my cheek and walks away.
    "Did she mean me?" I mumble to myself, rubbing my cheek where she pinched it.
     "No, I was speaking of the cat. Of course I mean you, namjoon." she calls from the kitchen with a laugh. I laugh with her. The sound of happiness fills the area, and I can't help but realize how grateful I am for her.
     "Well I'm going to bed. Man I didn't realize how dark it had gotten." I peer out the window before heading up to my room, looking up at the night sky. I frown when I can't catch sight of any stars. "Ah it's too bright here. You can't see anything." I pout a little as I climb the stairs to my room, sinking into my warm bed. My mind is caught somewhere between consciousness and sleep. A fleeting imagine crosses my vision: Jin and I lie on my mother's bed. it's quiet. it's peaceful. and it's all I want.
It's all I see before sleep takes me.