Do you know who much it hurts to lose someone you love? or in my case, multiple people. It was my idea, I should be dead. you have probably already guessed that I am depressed, I have lost all my friends for good and they can never come back.
It was a Friday night we were all having a bit of fun, drinking, smoking, living. but I had to take it that extra step further. I challenged these girls in a drag race. my friends and I hoped into my car, we were off. no one noticed we were leaking oil, 125km, 150km, 175km we were getting faster and faster. I had this queasy feeling in the bottom of my stomach, I knew it wasn't car sickness. we turned a sharp corner going at 200km, I saw a bright light. it all went blank.
I heard an ambulance, I could barely open my eyes but I forced them open. I looked around, I was laying in the middle of the road, I looked further around and I saw the car we jumped into, smashed into a tree. I could see my best friend, I could have already told you that she was dead, but I didn't believe it myself.
How come I wasn't in the car? how come I am the only one still in one piece? how come they have been torn to pieces and I am still here able to look around?
The Ambos were at the car dragging out my best friends life less bodies, no one had seen me yet, I tried to yell out but I couldn't. maybe this was my punishment? someone finally noticed me, the saw me looking around and let out a sigh of relief and lifted me onto a bed. they left all my dead friends on the ground covered in sheets.
I was the only one out of all of us that survived, maybe god wants me to suffer from my mistakes. it has been 6 months and I still haven't gone back to school, I refuse to go to therapy and my parents are ashamed to be seen with me. I cut, sometimes daily sometime weekly. every inch of my body has a mark, a scar, a reminder of what has happened. I have tried to escape it all but have just ended up in a mental hospital. everyday something reminds me of my mistakes, their is no exit, no off button, no stop to any of it.
