my heart diary

January 1st, 2012

Dear Diary:
January 1st, 2012

                     Today was a rough day. I had got out of bed and had to get dressed. I pulled on my favorite shirt that said 'love, and hate' in the middle of it, and then pulled out some black skinnys and vans.

                     I'm not really known at school for being popular, actually I am the complete opposite, I am the nerd, dork and the person the jocks bully. I am normally by myself unless my friends, Grey and Kaiden, talk to me.

                     Grey, Kaiden and I are close most of the time. They help me with most of all my problems and help me get through the day, and I'm glad to have them.

                     Well, when I got downstairs my older sister, Emily, and my younger sister, Bailey, were at the table eating cereal. Our dad was at the table reading the daily news, while mom made him coffee. Sounds normal right? Well, not so much.

                        My dad and my mom are in a huge argument about bills and I feel as if they want a divorce, but they never talk to us as a family about it. But, I can feel a divorce coming along.

                      My dad works at a huge institution, but I forgot what it's called and mom works at the nursing home for the elderly. My older sister, which is 18, works at a highschool as a student teacher, while Bailey is in the 4th grade.

                       Emily, is about 5'3, and people believe she isn't her actual age. Bailey, is quite tall for a 4th grader.

                      Anyways, I stopped down at the bottom of the stairs and my mom smiled at me, "goodmorning honey, breakfast is ready for you." She was faking a smile. I could see her hurting.

                     "Thanks mom." I stated and sat down, eating the delicious pancakes that my mom makes every other morning. I'm thankful for my mom, I love her with all my heart. I'm more of a mommas' boy.

                     I finished eating, kissing my mom on the cheek and running to brush my teeth and leave for the bus before I missed it. I don't really like riding the bus to school, but it's the only way to get to that he'll hole.

                    I get on the bus and hobble onto the seat up in the front. I didn't really sit in the back unless I was hurt or in the mood to cry because of how people treat me. I know pathetic, a guy crying.

                    But, sometimes I couldn't take the pain of those who bullied me. As I sat there, the person behind me plucked on of my hairs from the top of my hair and laughed. My hair is long and pure black. And him doing that to me hurt like a mother fucker!

                    I just sat there waiting for him to arrive on the bus. He was just cute to me. I don't know why I haven't said anything to myself about it until now, but I think I have a very strong like for someone that I have no chance with.

                       That thought hurt me from the moment I started thinking about him:  constantly. My mind refers to him all throughout the day. He doesn't see what others do to me. He doesn't know I get bullied.