Bearing with olive

They told me that it won't last forever. That time would pass on by and that before I knew it, the pain would ease up too. They told me that I had support in this and I was not alone. 

My parents past away a few weeks back in a terrible car accident and left me to care for my highly disabled and special needs sister Olive. The thing is, I have a full time job as a nurse and caring for Olive meant being on call 24/7. Don't get me wrong, I love Olive with all my life and she was the reason in the first place why I went into the nursing field so I am more than willing and able to look after her, that's why when I received the grave news about the passing of my parents the decision was made without any questions that Olive would be under my care. It's completely draining to look after someone who needs your constant attention and help. If it wasn't for the love I have for her and the strength that I somehow muster to complete such trivial everyday tasks such as bathing her, feeding her , making sure that she takes her med and has activities to do in order to assist her brain to function as well as her other vital organs and limbs, I am not sure what the government would have done to her because let's face it, who would want to take on such a huge responsibility?. The doctors said that Olive wouldn't make it past 9 years but she proved them all wrong. She is going to be 10 in a few days. I used to look at mothers and wonder where they got the strength, time or even the patience to raise a child or tend to a sick baby. It's extremely difficult especially doing it on your own. I wonder at time where are all the people that said they would help, you know, my support. Probably in front of some camera crying to the media about how they support disabilities or cancer or even child and women abuse. The sad truth is that, behind the scenes they never fulfill what they claimed to when the camera was rolling and so were their lies. I don't need them because somehow when Olive smile s and giggles at me that sensation fully recharges my spirits and I'm on the move again. 

I guess I understand now why mothers are called superwomen; they do some much on strength that never seems to run out. Even though Olive is 9 years old, she barely speaks or communicates. The doctors say that her brain is equivalent to a 9 month old child and at anytime could just stop developing. After a few months of crying myself to sleep and actually getting the hang of caring for Olive , understanding her signs and her little attempts at English or her moods. Eventually I started taking her out for walks and visits to the park eventually making some new friends. I had to explain to the children about Olive's problem and educate not only the children but the parents as well about to interact with special needs children and to most importantly shower love on them. At first I noticed how peaceful she grew whenever we were outside in the warm hot sunny day to enjoying the view, but as the days went by I noticed how frequently she got sick. I thought I failed her as a care giver, as her guardian and most importantly as her sister. But just as soon as she fell ill , she would recover. Olive past her 10th birthday, her 16th birthday and was nearing her 18th yet she stayed the size of her 9 year old body and brain. She made friends who came and visited Olive, played and left. I live now built around Olive that finding a partner in life was extremely difficult because I couldn't leave Olive alone with anyone for too long so to tell you the truth ,I gave up on that part of my life. Unfortunately, destiny has its own plan and like that I met Dean at the park. Dean was a teacher at one of the schools and one of his pupils told him what I have been doing which perked his interest to an extent that he decided one day he would come and see for himself. One of my many visits to the park, dean cane and started a conversation. He even admitted how much he enjoyed the fact that I cared for my sister so much and that I was so willing to educate the society with Olive. He was so impressed he made an award for Olive and I as the Teachers of the year and asked us to visit his school to spread awareness all around. Hours became days and so enough we spent a lot of time together. Soon after that Dean moved in and we got registered. I finally felt like destiny was trying to put together a family for Olive. 

Olive was completely and truly happy with Dean, she got along with him well and that's what allowed my heart to be stolen by him. he had both the time and courage to be by Olive and he had taken on such a huge responsibility which was not really fair on him. He could have started his own family with someone else and didn't have to worry about a disabled special needs child. But instead he didn't let Olive's physical appearance and problems scary or hinder his ability to look at the person she was and all that she stood for instead of a person who was emotionally unstable , who needed attention and who could take care of herself. After a few months I found out I was pregnant and that filled me up with so much joy that I could have jumped over the moon. Dean was just as excited and things seemed to look up for us. On the day of the scan I wanted to know the gender of the blessing I was carrying but the baby was naughty and hid from us in the scan. Olive was getting sick again and I was due for my next doctor visit. Dean stayed with Olive and I through to my appointment. The doctor was printing my results which would finally tell me what gender I'm having when suddenly Dean called he insisted that I get home, with panic and crippling fear , I grabbed all my paper work and raced home. Olive had passed away in her sleep that day and I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I cried out from the pain of losing my sister who did nothing wrong in this world, I cried from the empty space that now pushed its way into my heart where she once lived. I cried from the from the long journey we had been through. 

Days went by and Dean made all the arrangements for Olive's funeral. I sat facing the window , looking out the hall's window. The burial had been completed and all that was left was a paper in my hand and people around me. 

  They told me that it won't last forever. That time would pass on by and that before I knew it, the pain would ease up too. They told me that I had support in this and I was not alone but they never prepared me for bearing with Olive. Dean placed a hand on my shoulder and broke me from my trance like state. He reached down and took the piece of paper and read the doctors note. Ever so lovingly he kissed the top of my head "Olive" I said softly. "I'm naming her Olive"