Look at 'dis snickers! It tastes so good but if only I could eat any more... I've lost count of how many I've had today, my friends call me fatty, but I don't care because I've eaten some of the best best chocolate bars in the world and I'm proud of it. Also I like a double decker once in a while, it has a crunchy, crispy top layer and a chewy toffee layer. These are just as good as snickers, if not better. Right now I'm in the shop holding both these treats in my hands, and the best thing is they're only 50p each! What a bargain!!!
Well done Harry u have picked a good subject and one that is different to everyone else's you have described well
To improve you could describe in more detail to make the reader more interested.
