i feel like I'm going insane , nothing makes me calm down anymore ,im breathing heavily and I'm crying tears ,trying to be strong ,its not working ,im such an useless piece of shit .... i cant do anything right , im trying to help others out but they end up pushing me away ,they dont fucking need someone like me ,they dont and i understand that completely Cuz tbh I don't like me so I don't expect anyone to like me , I try and try but it gets worse and worse, "you're getting better" they said ..."glad you're doing well" they said.... i never got better , my whole world feels like it's falling down,everything is messed up ,I'm messed up ,my parents hate me,my friends admitted they don't want to be my friends anymore,and my grades are horrendous, ,nothing is like it used to be ,I used to wear a fake smile and even that doesn't seem possible anymore.... people tell me drugs aren't gonna help but I'm desperate... desperate for that happy feeling I get just with pills , it's that easy ... I had someone that used to be my drug ... he made me happy but , he played with my feelings and made me feel worse than before.... is it normal? to hate someone for no reason and spread rumours about that person is how she's a whore ,slut ,psycho,is addicted,is goth,a cutter , apparently it is .... Cuz at the end of the day I don't even want to be happy anymore, and that's why I'm giving up on everything... I'm done trying, caring... fighting a never ending battle... Cuz I'll always lose, everything I do is wrong and it fucking hurts ... it just hurts , I don't wanna do this anymore ,I don't want to feel miserable,I want to end everything,it's the best for everyone,and we all know that .... people Asked me why I wanna end my life , but tbh , I don't want to cuz i think maybe Someday itll get better but ,,, but i got no Fucking other choice... every day I wake up to people yelling at me ,telling how useless I am ,how I should just kill myself already,i Wake up to see Messages on my phone like :
stop trying
you fucking slut
cut deeper
it really sucks ... to see how everyone hates me so much but ive gotten to the point where even i hate myself ,and its all my fault ,everything is my fault , im sorry for wasting your time
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts
Acakthis book is written by me ,it's about how I feel ,what I go through on a daily basis and what goes through me every day again, I only write when I'm on my worst, I'm sorry if it's all written shitty I'm not really good at this ..
