Negligent ∞ Jikook

공 ∞ Negligent [Prologue]

[Negligent = failing to take proper care in doing something]
[A/N: I accidentally published the wrong prologue :P (Jan 26,2017)]

"Cutting pain was a different flavor of hurt. It made it easier not to think about having my body, my family and my life stolen, made it easier not to care . . ."

In case you didn't know, dead people don't bleed. If you can bleed—see it, feel it—then you know you're alive. It's irrefutable, undeniable proof. Sometimes I just need a little reminder.

The blade would always sing to me. Faintly, so soft against my ears, its voice calms my worries and tells me that one touch will take it all away. It tells me that I just need to slide a long horizontal cut, and make a clean slice. It tells me the words that I have been begging to hear: this will make it ok.

My life had been filled with shit.

I cut myself because I wouldn't let myself cry.

I cried because I wouldn't let myself speak.

I spoke because I wouldn't let myself shine.

I shone because I thought he loved me . . .

Frequently, I would look at my scars and see something else: a boy who was trying to cope with something horrible that he should never have had to live through at all. My scars show pain and suffering, but they also show my will to survive. They're part of my history that'll always be there.

They symbolize of how much my life had shattered so much because of him.

I decided to stop. I was bleeding after all. Perfect lines crossed my wrists, not near any crucial veins, but enough to leave wet red tracks across my skin. I hadn't hit my veins when I did this; death hadn't been my goal. . .

. . .yet