Midnight thoughts A ereri fanfic

Chapter 3; dark, tainted memories

                                                                     TRIGGER WARNING!!!!

IF YOU ARE SQUEMISH TOWARDS PEOPLE VOMITING OR SELF UNDUCED VOMITING DO NO READ UNTIL YOU SE THE >.<  

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!

continue :)...

                  I walked through the empty hallways, my hands twitching and my body tense. I breathed in and out deeply, trying to calm myself down. My cold hands trembled. I walked a little faster. I felt like a fevered wild animal. The hallway seemed to extend endlessly, making me panic and start to run. That god dammed pill was making me like this again. I needed to get rid of it, and fast. I was panting by the time I burst through the bathroom's door. I stood there for a few minutes, my hands on my knees as I calmed my breathing. When I finally managed to calm myself down, I stood straight and shakily walked over to a bathroom stall. I kneeled down next to one of the toilets most decent, grimacing as my knees touched the grimy floor. I breathed in and pushed three fingers down my throat, touching my uvula, making my gag reflex act up. I vomited heavily onto the toilet. I coughed and spat when I finished. I wiped my mouth with my sweater's sleve. My throat fel dry and scratchy. I grimaced at the bitter taste in my mouth afterwards. I stood up and flushed the toilet. I walked to the sinks, my knees shaking. I washed my hands throughfully, hoping to rub off the memories of the countless times I had done the same thing in millions of other bathrooms, with the same intention. I've never liked pills. I feel like I should be suffering. I deserve this. I shouldn't feel better. I cupped some water on my hands and sipped some into my mouth, rinsing it. I spat it out with hate. I deserve this. The bell rang and I left the bathroom with shaking knees.

                                                                                          >.< ~ >.<

         I slammed open my bedroom door, running over to my bed and throwing myself onto it, groaning loudly into the pillows. I turned over and sighed. I was finally home. In my bed. I looked over at my backpack and glared at it. Fuck homework, I'm gonna make me some nice hot tea and a sandwhich. I stood up from my bed and made my way to the kitchen. As I made myself my sandwhich, Mikasa came running down the stairs hurridly.

"Levi! I'm gonna go to Armin's and hang out with the others" Mikasa yelled, running out the door.

"Have fun" I said, reaching for my favorite tea mug, filling it with water. She had forgotten to ask me about my car keys.

       The door slammed open again and I heard her footsteps walking hurridly back towards the kitchen. Mikasa looked at me, embarrassed. She opened her mouth to ask me something, but I was already tossing her my keys. She catched them and smiled at me in gratitude. I only waved her off. She left again, this time for sure, her crimson red scarf tied comfortably around her slim, pale neck.

         I sighed and took my lunch with me to the dining table. I ate in silence and then went up the stairs. When I reached the top of the stairs I paused, looking at the dark, cold hallway with a heavy feeling in my chest. Because at the end of this hall, there was an old memory cove behind a dusty old door. My feet seemed to move on their own, taking me to the room I wasn't ready to be in right now. I stopped right in front of the intimidating oak door that I had been avoiding ever since I had moved into this house. My hand made contact with the cold door knob. I paused and then shook my head. I wasn't about to have another relapse. I took my hand away from the knob, my heart pounding in my chest. I went into my room and got changed. I put on a pair of baggy sweat pants and an oversized hoodie. I put on my old sneakers and grabbed a small pocket knife, stuffing it in my right shoe. You never know and I'd rather be safe than sorry. I grabbed my house keys and my phone. I walked down the stairs and out the door. I started to jog aimlessly. All I wanted to do was escape these feelings, these hurtful memories. I jogged until my chest felt like collapsing and my legs felt like falling off. I stopped running, resting my hands on my knees and struggling to calm my breath. I felt empty. I straightened up and looked around at my surroundings. I then noticed I was at the park that was around my house. I walked to the nearest tree and started to climb it. I sat down on the nearest and sturdiest branch about six feet above the ground.